First Time

A few years ago, I lived in a luxury apartment complex. Across the hall was a great guy by the name of John. John was a very well liked guy around town, owned his own business, was attractive, dated several nights a week, and enjoyed most sports. We met while golfing at the complex's course. He had a great knack for making everyone feel comfortable and ready for fun. A party seemed to follow him where ever he went. We became great, close friends--threw many arties for the complex between our suites, golfed, sailed and worked out together. We "doubled" often and Jon always had a great looking date. I noticed he never seem to click with anyone for any length of time, but there was never a lack of company for him. I liked him immensely. He was a wild little guy, bout 5'6" tall, but very well built and confident. He was also a real practical joker and, if some stunt of his was too much for me, I'd fall back on my college football days and call him a fucking tackling dummy, and try to toss him down. It was never easy to get the best of little John physically.
On his thirtieth birthday, I had a surprise party for him. We threw it at my place, and I told all the guests to bring cheap halloween wigs and gag gifts. The one thing John was sensitive about was his thinning hair. You can imagine the laughs we all had watching him open the gifts and trying each one of them on. He got right into the spirit of things and even had us trying them on. But he promised me he'd get me when I least expected it.

Weeks later, I came home late from an exhausting day, fixed a sandwich and plopped into bed to tune out in front of the Television. Except for the light from the set, my room was dark. After an hour or so, I got pretty lonely and started feeling myself. I was getting aroused, so I rolled over and began grinding my hips into the mattress. The friction of the sheets as I rubbed my swollen cockhead against them and the pressure of my hard-on against the mattress and my stomach felt fabulous. I was luxuriating in the ecstasy of bringing myself off. Suddenly the whole bed seemed to erupt beneath me, lifting me up and flinging me off onto the floor. I instantly thought of an earthquake, but the rest of the room was still. I jumped up and looked at the bed. There was that little shit John under the bed, the mattress pushed half off by his legs as he lay laughing at me on his back. he was howling, and I did a quick take on how he must have slipped into my apartment, crawled uder the bed, and waiting for just the right moment to knock me off. Then I realized I was standing in front of him with nothing on and more than half hard. Embarassed, I scream "You fucking dummy", and yanked him to his feet. He broke loose and ran for the door. A flying tackly broguht him down and we wrestled around the room until I finally pinned him down. It was wild and spontaneous, and lying on top of him naked, embarassed at being surprised with a hard-on, really turned me on. John was still laughing. Because I had gotten so hard as we struggled, I felt self-conscious about letting him up. We lay there chuckling and trying to catch our breaths. I could feel his heavy breathing as his chest heaved against my own. With me hard against him I was sure he would notice in a second that I wasn;t just still hot from humping my bed. So I tried to get up, but John saw how rigid I was and started laughing again. I did too. We fell back together, laughing into each other's shoulder about my predicament.

His hands came up and caressed me at the bottom of my spine, and I half-jokingly mimicked a passionate grind against his thighs. He rubbed both hands over the back of my ass and really seemed to be getting turned on. A nervous chuckle started in my throat, but I swallowed it in a gulp. My cock throbbed against him, and he whispered in my ear "Got you Dave."


I could feel his cock grow hard beneath his pants, and I gulped again. The blood was pounding in my neck and I imagined he must have been able to hear it. I tried to pull away again and drew my knees up, but that pushed my dick across his growing hard-on, and my stomach muscles began to quiver. It was an lectric moment. The John responded--his hands slipped caressingly over my then taut ass muscles and he pulled me harder against him by the back of my thighs. He raised his hips at the same time to rub the hard ridge in his pants against me. I felt weak. He kissed my neck and I felt his cock throb against mine. The he rolled me onto my back and my rock hard shaft stood up and plopped against my belly. Cupping my balls in his hand, he gripped the base of my cock in is fist. I looked down as he began to stroke my shaft and squeeze its head. He rotated his thumb and forefinger firmly around that achingly sensitive ridge at the base of my swollen glans, and my cock pulsed so hard it lifted his hand. I groaned and he started to slip his free hand under the small of my back. I arched to let his arm go around me, and my legs slid wide apart. As he stroked down to the base of my cock, my thighs stiffened with arousal. I hoped he ould want to suck me, He rubbed my balls gently and played with the hair between my legs, then I rolled into him and felt the coldness of his belt buckle gainst the hot tip of my dick. I ached to explode but didn't know what I should do next. Trembling, I reached between us and rubbed John's cock through his pants. It was a wild sensation to feel a friend's hard cock throb against my hand while the moistness of his excitement soaked through the cloth and wet my fingers.

We were both kind of stunned. I think at being aroused like this, but we let the excitement play out. "Let's do this right" he whispered. He took off his shirt, then rolled away and I heard him unbuckle and unzip his pants. He sat up and pulled them off. I watched his bare back muscles flex at the effort. The he lay back and I could see his flat lower abdomen, the dary curly hair at the base of his long, solid cock and the untanned skin of his hips. It was gloriously different to feel him roll naked against me, feel my dick rub against his hot cock, feel my leg slip between his hairy legs
and his cool, moist hands cupping my ass and grinding me against him as I pulled him to me. He rubbed his chin through the hair on my chest and nipped the tip of my right nipple between his teeth. A sensational shock ran from there to my groin. I came instantly. In torrents!! I seemed to cum in waves forever, and I continued to throb as he ground his cock to orgasm against mine. When he came, he moaned quietly as if we might get caught by someone.

I told him I needed to clean up and got up and turned on the bathroom light. I pulled the bed together while he got up to wash himself and I began to recover some poise and started to laught about what had just transpired. "What's so funny?" he asked, and I walked to the bathroom doorway to explain, feeling a little guilty about what we had done. John was wiping his belly with a washcloth, the water dripped down to his groin and glistened in the hair there. He was still hard, and as he wiped I felt that weak feeling again. I watched him rub the cloth over the shaft of his dick. He had a Huge cock for such a little guy.
A tenseness showed in his eyes, and I looked away and stepping into the shower. "Want to do this right too?" I asked. He ducked under the spray with me. I rubbed our cum from my body. he took my soft prick in one hand and stroked his hardness with the other. I began to get hard again watching him stroke us oth. The he knelt in the spray and slid my half-hard cock into his mouth. He sucked me until I was as hard as I had been earlier, concentrating his tongue
on the tip of my cock, and all around the tip. I stepped out of the spray and pulled John more into it and knelt before him. I explored his body with my mouth. His hard cock pulsed against my chest and neck as I buried my face in the matted wet hair that ran from his belly to his groin. I took the shaft in my hand and put my mouth over the tip. It was warm, wet, tautly smooth and solid. John moaned, still softly, and slid his hands around the back of my neck. I thought he wanted me to suck him deeper and I tried to swallow the whole length of his shaft, I couldn't, so I sucked all around the tip, running my tongue around the firm ridge there as he had done to mine. I could taste a bit of his cum and began to feel hot again. I bobbed my head, sliding his dick into my mouth as far as I could go without gagging. Returning to the tip and then sucking him deeper, I got into it. I sucked and licked him firmly until he began to pump himself to his own special rythm. He came very hard, staggering against me, and moaning loudly, his prick jerking as his come spilled onto my tongue. I swallowed his warm load and then sucked him until his trembling stopped. John pulled me to my feet, and he whispered "Thanks buddy!" and kissed me deep, sharing the taste of the load he had just given me. John and I repeated that shower scene many times, and slept together whenever mutual lust presented itself. The ironic thing about my experience with John is that it was my first experience with another man. One I will never forget!!

My Night With Toby

I was on summer vacation in California, staying with my dad in San Juan Capistrano. I had just finished my junior year of college and was looking forward to some much needed relaxation. The last five months had kept me locked in the library for hours on end. I only stepped out to maintain my exercise regime. Running thirty miles a week in the Arizona sun had tanned my 6'2" frame a nice bronze and had kept me at a thirty inch waist. My hours of swimming kept the rest of my body toned and my weight at 180lbs. I don't want to sound narcissistic, but I looked pretty hot.

Now, as I said, I was locked in study, so I hadn't been with anyone in five long months. I was aching to get fucked by a nice, hung top. I went to my usual website to track down someone in SoCal who could give me what I needed. After an hour of searching, I came across TToby22 .
According to his profile, he lived in San Juan. He listed his height at 6'6" and his weight as 190 lbs. He was not quite as muscular as I normally like, but his height and lean, toned body helped make up for that shortcoming. Searching for the most important thing, I saw what I was looking for: an eleven inch cock. That settled it for me. I sent off an email and hoped for a quick response.

Around seven that night, I saw that TToby22 had responded. He wanted me to meet him down by the pier at nine o'clock. I took a quick shower and threw on something simple but sexy; running shorts to emphasize my tanned and toned legs and a sleeveless shirt to show off my muscular arms. I looked my self over and I must admit, I looked a little like a hustler.

I drove down to the pier early and decided to kill time with a little walk. I always loved strolling along the pier and listening to the waves roll in. I found my self a nice spot near the middle and stared off into the distance, thinking about how much I wanted to fuck this guy.

I caught some movement out of the corner of my eye. Turning, I saw a silhouette of someone who was exceptionally tall. As he walked over, I tried to think of something clever to say, but lust had shut down that part of my brain. Right now, it would take some concentration not to throw myself on his crotch before he opened his mouth.

"Hi," he said, extending his right hand, "I'm Toby. Are you Jon?" I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. I reached for his hand and we shook, his hand engulfing mine. "Do you wanna take a walk to the end of the pier?" he asked. I nodded again.

We started a slow walk to the end of the pier, heading for the small snack shack. Since it was after nine on a weekday, the pier was practically deserted. We passed a couple of fisherman who were packing up for the night. While we made small talk, Toby admitted something that surprised me.

"I've only been with one other guy," he said. "We were on the volleyball team together. I wanted to fuck him, but the first time we tried it, he said it hurt too much. So I haven't really been with anyone else since."

My mind raced at the thought of having such an untouched guy at my disposal. I changed the direction of our walk so that we'd end up behind the snack shack. "Don't worry, Toby," I said, "You'll get the chance to use that big cock of yours tonight." At that moment, we reached the back edge of the shack and I quickly pushed him behind it.

"What the fuck?!" he cried.

"I need to do this," I said, grabbing his cock through his shorts. His eyes went wide and his jaw hung slack. I started to rub his cock, feeling it stiffen in my hand. "Relax, Toby. I just want to make sure you enjoy tonight."

I kneeled down in front of him and unzipped his shorts. I reached in and pulled his stiffening cock out. Semi-hard, his cock was already at eight inches. I leaned in and took the head of his cock in my mouth. As my tongue ran along his glands, Toby let out a low moan of pleasure. I began to work his cock in and out of my mouth, taking a little more down my throat each time. I could taste the precum that was almost pouring out of his cock. "Jesus," I thought, "This guy needs to get off bad." While I was sucking his cock, I could hear Toby moaning in pleasure. He
would whisper things I couldn't hear because of the surf. I felt his hand tentatively touch my head. He slowly ran his hands through my hair, unsure of what to do. I had about nine inches of his cock down my throat when he put his hands on the back of my head. As I kept sucking, I could feel him exert a little pressure, trying to force more of his cock down my throat. I decided to go "balls to the wall" and pushed my self to take his whole cock. As I swallowed all eleven inches, I could hear him moaning, begging me not to stop.

Now that my throat was accustomed to his massive tool, I really started to work his manhood. I loved feeling his cock slide down my throat. I also loved taking his large head and sucking it, coaxing him to cum. Toby began to get a little more forceful with his grip, pulling my head on to his cock, his hips thrusting to force it down my throat.

Once he established a good rhythm, I let him take control, fucking my face for all he was worth. Since it had been so long since his last time, it wasn't long before he said, "I'm cumming."

He started to withdraw his cock from my throat. Not wanting to miss out on his spunk, I stopped him when his head was on my tongue. Suckling on his cock like a newborn on a teat, I pushed him over the edge. He flooded my mouth with his tasty cum, shooting at least seve ntimes. I eagerly swallowed his load, cleaning his cock when he was done. I gave his cock a
little kiss and put it back into his shorts.

Standing up, Toby looked at me with half closed eyes. "That was amazing. No one's ever swallowed my stuff before."

I smiled at him, loving his inexperience. "I'm glad you liked it but the best is still to come. Why don't you take me to your place and let me take care of you," I said, my hand gently rubbing his crotch.

He swallowed hard. "Um, sure. That'd be great." We walked back to the parking lot and got into our cars. I followed him to a little bungalow on the beach, isolated from the other houses by a quarter mile of sand in either direction. "It's my parents' place," he said shyly, "I just stay here during the summer."

"Very nice," I said, trying to keep the jealousy out of my voice. "Is this a private beach?" I asked.

"Yeah. It's nice because nobody ever comes out here."

"Really," I said, my mind racing with possibilities. "Toby, why don't we sit on the beach for a little while and enjoy the surf?"

A look of confusion crossed his face. "I thought you wanted to go inside."

"I do," I said, chuckling a little at his naiveté, "But let's just rest on the beach for a few minutes. Bring those towels with you." I then turned and started to head down to the sand.

I heard Toby's disappointed mumblings as he followed me down. I chose a spot about fifteen feet from the water line and asked Toby to lay out the towels. Toby sat down, his legs stretched in front of him, his arms behind him to prop himself up. I sat next him, my legs crossed. I rested my head on Toby's shoulder and decided to wait to see if his confidence had beenbolstered enough to make a move. After a couple of minutes, I knew that I would be in charge of this evening's activities.

"Toby," I whispered, to get his attention. When he turned to look at me, I moved in for a nice deep kiss. I forced his mouth open and let my tongue go exploring. Not wanting my mouth to have all the fun, I reached for his tented crotch. Unzipping his fly, I put my hand inside and started to slowly jack his rock hard cock. Feeling it throb as I ran my hand along its length was getting me hornier by the second.
I wanted this go farther; being out in the open was really turning me on. I took his cock out through his fly and gave it a couple of strokes to smear the precum along the shaft. Thankfully, I'd had some practice in getting my shorts off while making out. Not breaking our kiss, I shucked the shorts and climbed in to his lap. I could feel his cock pressing against mine, hishead rubbing against my tight stomach.

I could tell that Toby was starting to feel more confident. As I pulled my tongue back, he pushed his into my mouth. My hands stayed busy, unbuttoning his shorts and exposing his entire crotch. My right hand went back to stroking his cock while my left moved to his nipples. I gently squeezed the right one and gave it a little twist.

That action seemed to electrify Toby. He gave a long moan into my mouth; his hips thrusting his cock through my hand. Now that I knew how to push him over the edge, I decided to move on. Pulling my self away from our kiss, I looked him in the eyes. "You just relax, baby. I'm going to make you feel real good."

Toby gave a slight nod as I moved down. His breathing deepened as nibbled and sucked the flesh along his neck and shoulder. I moved my hands under his shirt, massaging his toned stomach and chest. I let my hands brush his hard nipples and enjoyed the soft mewling sound he made from the contact.

I leaned back and pushed the bottom of his shirt over and behind his head. Now that his chest was exposed, I licked my way down and latched on to his right nip. Toby took a sharp intake of breath as I took his nipple between my teeth; rubbing my tongue across the top.

"Oh man, that feels so good," he whispered, "Please don't stop."

I could feel the precum that was pouring out of his cock coat my stomach. I continued to suck on his right nipple for a couple of minutes before moving over to the left one. Giving it the same treatment, I knew that Toby was on the edge. I could feel him thrusting his hips up, pushing his cock into my stomach.

I broke off from his nipple and ran my tongue down his stomach. I continued down further, pulling his shorts down as well. I stopped to lap up the small amount of precum that had pooled at the base of his cock. I then gently started to lick the edge of his groin.

I moved slowly towards his nuts. I loved the feeling of the small amount of hair that covered them as I pulled one into my mouth and rolled it along my tongue. Toby's quiet moaning excited me but I forced myself to go slow. Once I had thoroughly coated the left, I moved to the right side of his sack and began to lick and suck. I moved my hands along his thighs and hips, rubbing very gently.

After giving his sack the proper amount of attention, I moved towards my ultimate goal. Starting at the base, I licked my way up his cock, my tongue taking in all the precum that had coated it. I thought of it as a nice, big Popsicle. I made sure to clean every inch of his shaft as I moved towards the head; taking a little longer than necessary because I just loved the taste of his cock.

Once I reached the back of the head, I gently massaged the ridge with my tongue, coaxing more precum to flow. This also increased the flow of moaning and quiet begging from Toby.

"Oh please, suck my cock. I wanna cum so bad. Please suck it, suck it hard please."

I teased the head of his cock a little while, enjoying the sound of his pleas. But I wanted to suck his cock as much as he wanted me to suck it, so I wrapped my tongue around the under side of his ridge and took the head into my mouth. I swirled my tongue around the head, swallowing the tasty precum as it came from the slit. I began to bob my head, taking three or four inches into my mouth. Within a couple of minutes, I started to deep throat all eleven inches, setting a slow steady pace. When his shaft was buried, I would massage it with my throat muscles. It took a lot of practice to learn to do that, but it drives every man wild. Toby was no exception as a loud cry of pleasure escaped from his mouth. I was glad that I blew him at the pier because I knew that he would have shot just then.

Letting Toby enjoy the pleasures my talented throat had to offer for a few minutes, I reached a point where I could no longer suppress my own lust. Moving slowly off his long cock, I made sure to leave a nice amount of spit behind to thoroughly coat the head. I rose up on my knees and started kissing his mouth. Toby opened up and I enjoyed the tenderness of a nice deep kiss.

Taking his cock in my right hand, I put my left hand on his chest to steady myself. Putting the head of his cock at my entrance, I began to pushdown. Toby's eyes flew open at the realization of what was happening. I broke the kiss and whispered softly to him, "It's okay, baby. I want you
inside me. I can take it."

The anxious look on his face disappeared the moment the head of his cock penetrated my ass. The look of pure ecstasy on his face is something I'll never forget. I slowly lowered my hips down, taking his cock in inch by glorious inch. I love the feeling of a big, fat cock filling my ass. When my ass was resting on his pelvis, I took a moment to enjoy having eleven inches of cock in me. I began slowly riding his dick, pulling four or five inches out before pressing them back in.

My breathing got harder as the head of his cock kept rubbing my insides. I could feel my nuts churning as my cock leaked precum. I flexed the muscles of my ass to increase both our pleasure. Toby started thrusting his cock into my ass, his cock hitting me harder and harder.

"Oh Toby," I moaned, "I love how your big cock fills me up. It feels so good stretching me out. Fuck me, fuck me harder."

Toby responded, slamming his hips up to meet my ass. I was no longer riding his cock; I was riding a bucking bronco. The feeling of his cock slamming up my ass, his nuts slapping my cheeks, was sending me over the edge. I did everything I could to hold back long enough to make Toby cum. I squeezed my ass tighter and started pushing down harder. I knew he was close as his breathing became labored and the speed of his thrusts increased.

"I'm close," he panted, "I'm going to cum. Oh, Jesus, I'm cumming!"

The first throb of his cock sent me over the edge with him. My ass flexed around his cock as I shot my load over his chest and stomach. I could feel him filling me with his seed; my orgasm helping to milk every last drop from his cock.

When he finished shooting, Toby collapsed backwards onto the sand. "That," he panted, "That was amazing."

I smiled down at him. "I'm glad to hear that but we're not done yet."

He looked up at me, astride his hips, his cock still buried in my ass. "What do you mean?"

"Toby, it's not even midnight. We've got all night. Trust me, you'll never forget this." I leaned down to give him a kiss. While we made out, I gently played with his nipples. I knew he was enjoying it as I felt his cock harden in my ass. The feeling of it expanding in my hole got me hard again too. "Let's get inside," I said, rising off his cock. I missed having that monster in me, but I knew I would have it again soon.

I stripped off my shirt and grabbed my shorts off the ground. I sauntered back towards the bungalow, putting a little shimmy in my ass. I turned to see Toby quickly gathering everything up and walking hurriedly back to the door. In his anxiousness, he forgot a towel on the beach.

With the door open, I could see that the place was setup like a hotel suite. I quickly scanned the area and spotted the door to the bedroom. I stepped inside and turned around when I heard Toby close the front door. I reached up and pulled him down into another kiss. He dropped the towels and put his arms around me. One hand rubbed my back while the other massaged my
ass.

We made out at the front door for several minutes. I extricated myself from his grasp and reached for his cock. With his cock in my right hand, I turned and gently pulled him towards the bedroom. Stepping inside, I was greeted by a four poster king sized bed. I smiled as my mind filled with ideas of how to take advantage of my hung stallion.

France and Beyond

So, that's how it started. Fourteen years old, and away from home on a school trip. It was odd, really, because I had been going out with Carol for some time - since I was twelve, I guess. She was pretty, and had deep blue eyes, pale gold hair, and a face to die for. I had thought myself really lucky to have her as my special girlfriend.

I was a bit worried about what to do when we kissed, though. I mean, I could cope with all the usual stuff, and I really enjoyed it when Carol put her tongue in my mouth for a change. And the cuddling was good, too, but I kept wondering what to do with my hands - where do you put them? There were too many places to get told off for! Kissing was as much as Carol wanted. A great snog, but not much else.

I'd tried stroking her breasts - beautiful if you like breasts - but I've always thought of myself as a "bum and thigh" kind of a guy. It didn't do much for me. Didn't seem to do much for Carol either, apart from make her cross! I tried my hand on her bum - tight, adorable, kissable bum. Well, if I ever saw it without clothes over it, I hoped it would be kissable. But she took it away. The hand, not the bum. Come to think of it she did take the bum away. Kissing was what she wanted. Now I wanted it too, but all my mates and I had been pretending that we'd had sex since we were 11, so I had a sort of image to keep up!

That's when we went on the school trip

It wasn't easy to get the money to go. We weren't poor, exactly, it's just that my Dad's money was kind of spoken for. When he heard how many of my friends were going, he and Mum managed it somehow. I guess he was pleased that I got along with Carol so well, and that she was going along. He decided when she came round after school to do some work together and told him that she was looking forward to the trip

We caught the train from Victoria Station did I tell you I live in London to Folkestone, and catch the ferry to Calais. This was not long before the Channel Tunnel. Then took the train to somewhere in the South of France, and stayed in a sort of school place. Lots of kids stayed there. I shared with Carol as much of the trip as girls and boys were allowed to share. No kissing, no cuddling. The teachers were pretty strict about that.

Usual stuff. I suppose all kids abroad for the first time do it. We made fun of the French place names, shouted at French kids, bought cigarettes we never intended to smoke from the machines on the station platforms when we changed trains. They were horrible - I was nearly sick. I decided I was never ever going to smoke. We made a real nuisance of ourselves. I'll bet the teachers were glad to see the back of us at the end of it.

It was a long trip. I shared the sleeping compartment - rock hard bunks - with five other boys from my year, and got no sleep at all. We just talked, laughed, and larked about, and, of course, discussed sex. We each had to do a "truth or dare", and I found myself avoiding the dare, which was to - well never mind what it was to do, it was dead embarrassing - by saying that I never knew what to do with my hands when kissing a girl. I got away with it - phew! We had some pretty gross dares. I could have strangled the kid who suggested it. Apart from the dares, it was all pretty simple stuff. No-one really wanted to do the dares or force anyone else to, and we all thought no more about it. Or so I thought at the time.

The school we stayed at had shared rooms, two boys or two girls to a room. I was sharing with Nigel, a kid in my year, one of those "Sports Gods" who gets picked for every team going. Good looking kid, and really fit. Not part of my group, and not really any more than someone I just knew.

We unpacked - well threw our stuff into cupboards - and set out to find food, then a ball to kick about. it was about seven at night when we had our supper, and then we were packed off early for bed. A long trip, and an early night. heck, it had taken us about 20 hours to get here, we were tired.

As the lights went out, Nigel and I kept talking.

"What's this I hear about your problem with your hands?"

"What problem - my hands are all right?"

"Well, the guys you travelled down with thought you didn't know what to do with them when you were kissing Carol", he said.

"Yes, well, mmm" I mumbled, though why I was embarrassed just then I hadn't the slightest idea. I suppose it was just because there were just two of us.

"Hey, Chris," that's my name, Chris, "no big deal. I, er, was a bit shy about what I was going to ask you" said Nigel, smiling by the sound of him, "If you don't want to talk, that's fine by me"

"No, go on, it was just rather a surprise, that's all. It was a truth or dare thing."

"Well," said Nigel "I know you've been going out with Carol for some time, and that you guys are an item and all that. Loads of people are dead envious. I'm sort of envious. You probably don't know, but I've never kissed a girl. And Carol's friends say you are a fantastic kisser."

"Mmphh" Oh embarrassing in the extreme, but rather good to know, I thought. Jeez, what's coming next?

"Well... " Nigel hesitated, "well.... I was ... I was... kind of hoping you would give me a few pointers on kissing?"

This was really weird, but I felt myself becoming all brotherly, and I haven't got a brother, nor a sister, so I'd no idea what was going on. This god of the sports field, who was actually good looking enough to have a whole army of girls all to himself if he only realised it, had come to me, me, to ask how to kiss. I guess I would have gone to him to ask about soccer, so fair deal.

"Well, erm, OK, Nigel, but what do you mean?"

"This is sort of embarrassing, but I've no idea how to start, even," he said softly. "I mean, it all looks so, so wet!!

Now I don't know whether I had the idea, whether Nigel had the idea, or what. I still can't tell, even today, if it was the best idea or the worst idea in the world. Whatever it was, however it happened, I found myself asking, as a brother, you understand, "Have you noticed that girls practice kissing before a date?"

"Do you mean practice kissing with you?" he asked.

OK, brave now. I could do something that the god couldn't. "Sure, why not. I mean it won't mean anything will it? And there's only us to know. There is only us, isn't there?" I was suddenly not quite so brave.

"I'm not sure" he said, softly. "I guess it would be OK."

So that's where we found ourselves. Sharing a room, and talking about kissing as a sort of clinical exercise. And did we do it? Sure we did. Right then and there. Both of us, well certainly me, feeling a little foolish. Nigel and I got out of our beds, and came into a clumsy clinch.

We banged noses. "I can see why you need lessons!" I laughed "Tilt your head to your right. Now, gently put your lips on mine. Keep them dry mind, and I'll take you a step at a time."

This was kind of fun. Nigel was strong, and felt good to the touch. A firm body, strong back, my height, well perhaps a little less, and, even after the trip, smelled of soap and shampoo. His lips were yielding, but strong, as though he knew what he was doing.

We broke apart. "Helps if you can breathe through your ears, he giggled. Can we try the tongues bit next?"

He seemed almost too eager. Liplock, and I found his tongue in my mouth before I could tell him what to do. And, do you know, it felt good. Better than Carol. What am I saying, how could it be better than Carol, she was my girlfriend, and we snogged every time we could? Better than Carol. There was something electric about this body in my arms. Better than Carol, better to hold, better to kiss, better to - my hands were going down to his bum. Better than Carol.

I broke apart. "Nigel, I need a break" I had to come to my senses.

"I know. I kind of feel that way too", he said, out of breath. "It felt really good when you ran your hands all over my body - I thought you didn't know what to do with them?"

"I.. I'm not sure you really need lessons. You seem to know what to do by instinct. I'm tired, I think. I need some sleep." Truth was I was actually very aroused, and I didn't want Nigel to know. Well, obviously he could have felt it, the pyjamas were pretty thin, and we were holding each other, but then I hadn't noticed whether he was too. In fact I hadn't even thought about it.

Have you ever tried to wank silently when you have a room mate? Just holding the covers high enough not to rustle, keeping the movements delicate to stop the bed from creaking, trying to keep control of your breathing? Stroking your cock so delicately? Moving your foreskin down and back, just gently, just gently, and hoping he wouldn't notice? Catching yourself starting to tense, and straining to stop speeding up, to keep breathing normally, keeping control of the sounds you make when you cum? Have you?

I had. I did. But it was all wrong. I tried as hard as I could to picture Carol, as I usually did, but Nigel kept coming into my head. Just the feel of him. I think his image was with me in my head when I came that night.

The next morning, nothing was said. Just another day. Nigel and I went to breakfast, and sat together - nothing remarkable in that, most room mates sat together - at breakfast. We had some sort of outing to go on that day. Why is it that school trips are nothing but travel, and then to really boring places?

I sat with Carol on the bus, as usual. Nothing had changed in my feelings for her. I still wanted to kiss her, but I wanted something more, too. We found a place for a snogging session around lunchtime.

"You seem different," she said when we came up for air, "not sure what, but there's a sort of urgency in your kissing. I haven't felt it before."

"Is it better?"

"Mmm," she purred dreamily, "more interesting, more, oh, I don't know, more tense, somehow. French air must be romantic after all! I never believed it would be, I though that was all rubbish!"

I felt different. I don't know what it was, but I felt different. Not so much of a kid anymore, but not grown up yet, either. I began to feel that I actually knew what I wanted, except I didn't know, and I knew I didn't know, and I wished I did know, and came over all weak from the effort of thinking about it and it was all too complicated anyway.

There was one thing I did know, though. I thought I knew. I knew that I wanted to try another kissing lesson with Nigel. I mean, I wasn't attracted to him or anything, but he made me feel really good, and I liked that feeling. I wondered if he would want it, too.

Oh the afternoon dragged. I fell asleep on the coach. Why we couldn't go to the beach I didn't know. Sun on our backs, salt water on our bodies, and sand between the toes, that was what we all wanted to do. Visit another damn ruin was what the history teacher wanted to do. Bugger ruins.

I wasn't so tired at lights out, though. "Nigel?"

"Mmm?"

"Do you want to...?"

"Do what we did last night?"

"Yes"

"I'm not sure. Do you?" This could get ridiculous. How to break the after you, no after you cycle without seeming stupid, or even gay?

"Well, have you learnt enough?" That should do it, I thought.

"Is there more?" he asked, very softly.

"Practice makes perfect" Ouch, what a stupid phrase.

"The thing is," he said, after I had extracted his tongue from my mouth ten minutes later, all the while wondering how it had got there so quickly, "the thing is, I may have something to teach you."

If you have never been in this situation, you'll never know what was going through my mind. On the one hand we were engaged in legitimate research into the arts of kissing, so it was scientific. On the other, I was in thin cotton pyjamas, so erect and excited I thought I was touching the ceiling with the tip of my cock, and I could sense that Nigel was the same. This was forbidden.

Forbidden, but exciting, and private, and suddenly I didn't care what happened to me, what I did, even where I was.

Hold back. Seem unsure. Heck I was unsure. "What do you mean?"

"Well, we all talk about sex, right?"

"Yep"

"I talk as much as anyone, but I've never been with a girl - well you know that anyway"

"Uh huh?"

"I'll bet you haven't either?"

Now this was a real low blow, right into my mini-masculine pride. I'd been telling people about my exploits for years. Not that there had been any, but I'd been saying that there had been. "The truth? No" I almost whispered.

"I'd like to return the favour for the kissing. It would be a kind of favour to me as well."

"What do you mean?"

"Do you trust me?"

A little trembly now "Not sure"

As we were speaking, Nigel was getting closer to me. Well he couldn't get much closer, but he seem to be closer. I noticed things in the darkness about him, the shape of his eyes, the spun silver of his hair - or was I imagining it? The sweetness of his breath, even after toothpaste! His hands moved very gently over my body, starting at the nape of my neck, and moving in circles so light as almost to tickle, but without tickling lower down my spine, just stroking. I was hypnotised. I told you that he was a sports god. This boy was doing something for me, and I was enjoying it. "If I can say 'stop' and you promise to stop, I trust you." I heard myself breathing the words.

"I promise." And he kissed me again, and it was electric, and I saw lightning, and all the stars came on and went out in a flash.

I don't know when the pyjamas disappeared, either his or mine. I just remember feeling skin against my skin, and it was for the first time in my life, and it felt good. I felt his hands, warm, soft, yet strong, stroking my whole body, all over except not anywhere near where our two cocks were almost tied together. Oh, I knew Nigel was excited now..

"I'm going to teach you about sex." I never actually heard him say that, I just felt it, as a breath in my ear. My heart was pounding, and I could hardly breathe. "I'm going to be so gentle, so gentle, soo gentle . ." his voice faded away, and he was kissing my neck, and I was stroking him, and holding him so tight, yet so loosely at the same time.

We kind of reversed onto his bed, him first, me clumsily on top of him, and rolled to be side by side. His hands, those wonderful hands, never left me for a moment, and he still was just stroking my body, smooth body, almost hairless, apart from those strange little wisps I wanted him to touch at the base of my cock. "Lie still," he whispered.

Lying on my back, I could see him outlined against the moonlit window, sitting beside me, looking down at me, see his arms, watch his hands moving down my chest, down my sides, down my legs. I could see his shoulders, the curve of his head, the join of his neck with his shoulders, and he was beautiful. And he was here with me, and stroking me. "You're beautiful," I heard him say. "You're beautiful."

And then he kissed my cock. And gently, so gently took it into his mouth, and with his hands gently slid the skin down the shaft to expose the cockhead, and cupped my balls in the other, and ran his tongue all over it. And I couldn't believe it. And then he started to move up and down on it, slowly up and down, licking, nibbling, but never with teeth, and massaging behind my ball sack, between my legs with one hand or the other, but never hard enough to make me cum. "Nigel ...." I gasped.

"Shh."

He was kneeling straddling me, facing me. I could see his cock, straining towards me, drips forming at the tip. I wanted to kiss it. "No, this is my treat," he said. He took the drips, and placed them on the tip of my cock, there between his legs, by his own, for he was sitting, kneeling on my thighs. "You're going to fuck me."

"But"

"Shh"

And my cock was in his hand, and he was moving upright, and placing it, oh so carefully between his legs. "But ..."

"Shh" So softly, and I looked at his, and his eyes looked at me as he shushed me, and I saw into his soul.

As he began to put his weight on me, on my cock, my hard, wild cock, I saw his expression change, and a moment, just that, of pain flashed across his face and I felt a tremendous urge to thrust forward. He was hot, sweating, and so beautiful, there above me, looking down, with the tip of my cock only just inside him. And it felt good.

He was there for ever, then imperceptibly lower and lower. The skin on my cock seemed to stretch, and I was inside - inside that hot, secret, velvet place, and gripped so tightly that no hand could ever feel like that. And he moved up, then down. And I was sliding deeper in, then out, and so excited. I was almost cumming just with the thought of it. I reached for his cock. "Not this time. This is my gift to you," he murmured. "I love you, Chris. I've loved you since we met, and I want to be with you for ever. This is my gift to you."

And he moved faster and faster, until I thought I would burst. Tidal waves came crashing through me, my back arched so strongly it lifted both of us, and I came, hot, for ever, hot, deep inside the boy who loved me, who wanted me for ever. I've never felt like that before. Almost vicious with the pumping, hot, hard, and so deep inside him. And I knew.

Oh I knew. "Nigel?"

"Mmm?"

"Hold me." I was in tears, not sobbing, but weeping, not afraid, and in love with Nigel - my seducer, my lover.

And somehow, we were in each other's arms, and both weeping gently, and neither of knowing exactly why we were in tears.

And that's how we woke.

"Quick - make my bed untidy!" That was my first thought, because we'd spent the night on Nigel's.

We just made it, or was it unmade it, when the wake up crew came in to get us up for breakfast. I looked at Nigel, almost as though it was for the first time. How can I describe him: The brightest pools of blue eyes, smiling, cheeky, under his hair, spun silver shot with gold. Happy, smiling mouth, pink cheeks, and a sort of radiance around him that I thought everyone could see.

"Did you really tell me you loved me?"

"I really love you."

"Nigel, I've never been loved before. I don't think I've ever loved anyone before either. I feel really strange, but I don't want it to stop. I think I love you, too." Scary, but I'd said it, and I found my body meaning it.

Oh no. Carol. What was I to do about Carol? "Nigel?"

"Mmm?" dreamily.

"Nigel, what am I going to do about Carol?"

"Yes, I'd wondered about that. Don't do anything yet."

"But she's going to want to snog with me,and and and "

"Shh"

"But"

"Shh.

Eric

I awoke well rested, and looking forward to the new day. I had slept through the night, which rarely happened any more. I was totally relaxed, and laid on the bed for a few minutes enjoying the silence of the early morning.

I got up and did the necessary things to make myself comfortable, put on my shorts and shoes, and padded across the hallway to Eric's room. I tapped on the door, and opened it carefully. He was lying there snoring softly. I wanted to let him sleep, but he had said he wanted to get up so I walked to the bedside, turned on the small lamp on the night-stand, and shook his shoulder gently. "Eric," I said just above a whisper. "Eric. Wake up, Son."

He rolled onto his back, and opened his eyes. As he focused on my face, he started to frown, and then the fog cleared as he remembered he had said he wanted to get up early. "G'mornin' Dad."

"Good morning, Son," I said as he screwed his little fists into his eyes. "Are you sure you want to get up?"

"No," he said honestly, "but I'll try it 'cause I want to be a part of everything you do."

I smiled at him, and said, " Well then, get up and wash the sleep out of your eyes, and put something on. I'll be in the basement when you're ready."

"OK. I'll just be a minute," he said as he got out of the bed, and followed his rigid boyhood to the bathroom.

I left him to his private morning rituals, and went to the basement. I did my stretching, and started the treadmill. Adjusting the speed to a normal walk, I had just gotten on it, when Eric came in and climbed on behind me. He had watched me jog the morning before, so I was not really surprised that he did it correctly. "You should do some stretches first," I said, "to prevent stiffening up later."

He stepped to the sides of the moving belt, and dismounted. I did the same, and showed him how to stretch out his tendons and muscles. "You should do this before and after every workout," I said. "It will help reduce any soreness you may get."

I put him to walking some more while I sat down and did some work on the butterfly machine. He watched me while he walked, and said, "How long do I have to do this?"

I smiled and said, "It's not a chore. If you think that's enough, stop and do something else.

"Like what?" he asked as he stopped the treadmill.

I got up and said, "You could start building up your arms with some curls>" I showed him how to do the exercise properly, and handed him a couple of five pound weights to work with.

"These are too light," he said. "I can lift a lot more than this."

"I'm sure you can," I said, "but using a weight you can handle easily let's you do more reps - er, repetitions - and it's the reps that build the muscles. You can increase the weight when you can do a hundred reps with each arm, but for now just start with three sets of ten reps each."

"What do you mean -sets?" he asked.

"Do ten lifts with each arm, and rest a bit," I said. "That's one set."

I watched as he started flinging the weights up and down. "Slow down, Son," I said. "Take your time and make sure you do each lift properly. This isn't a race. We want to spend the time exercising, not doing it in as short a time as possible."

I worked on my abs, which I felt had suffered from the large caloric intake on Christmas, and showed Eric various exercises he could do without making him too stiff and sore. I taught him the proper way to do pushups and squats. We both finished up with a jog on the treadmill. I put Eric in front of me so he could hang onto the handle while I used the side rails for balance. We ran a moderate half mile that left us breathing deeply.. I showed him how to cool down, and we went up to my shower, which was big enough for four people to bathe in at the same time.

We soaped each other's back, then rinsed the sweat off our own bodies. Eric wanted to wash my privates, but I told him that would get us both all sweaty again. He giggled and said, "Yeah, maybe, but it would be fun too."

I said, "That kind of fun will lead us down a slippery slope, and we aren't ready to take that plunge yet."

We got out of the shower, dried off, and Eric ran to his room to get dressed for the day. I took a little extra care with shaving, and then put on a pair of slacks and a turtle necked shirt, black socks, and a pair of loafers. By the time I got down to the kitchen, Eric had my coffee waiting. I kissed his forehead, and thanked him. "How about sausage and pancakes this morning," I said.

"Yeah, cool."

I put some link sausage on the grill and they cooked while I mixed the batter. In less than fifteen minutes we were feasting on a good breakfast. He had set the places on the island with orange juice at each place, my cup freshly filled with the last of the coffee from the carafe, and milk for himself. I enjoyed the closeness, and could no longer imagine a life without this wonderful boy.

"Do you want to watch the market with me this morning?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said. "Maybe for a while."

We sat in the same seats we had used the day before. I turned on the computer, and brought up the markets. It seemed to be a rather listless day, and I noticed Eric beginning to flag after a short time. I said, "Do you want to go take a nap? You really aren't used to being up this early."

He smiled at me a little guiltily and said, "Maybe for a little while."

I hugged him as he got up, and said, "Pleasant dreams."

He hugged me back, and went up to his room. I stuck it out for another hour, but finally gave up, and went into the kitchen. I used the bones from the rib roast, and some other leftovers from the freezer to start a pot of hearty beef soup. I put it on the back of the range, and let it simmer. I put a pork loin in an enameled roasting pan, and after rubbing it with salt, pepper, thyme, and rosemary, poured some red wine into the pan. I peeled some small potatoes, opened a bag of baby carrots, and threw in some roughly chopped onions and garlic. I put the cover on it, and put it in a slow oven to braise.

I went back into the computer room, and checked the IM for people I knew who were online. I chatted with a couple of them for a while, listening to them brag about their Christmases. I smiled to myself when I realized none of them had gotten anything that could compare with the gift that had been given me.

I checked the local newspaper for anything interesting, and was about to shut the machine down when a small headline attracted my attention. Teen Found Dead in Snowbank. I clicked on the link to the story, and read that an unidentified teenager had been found by a store owner while shoveling the walk in front of his business. The police estimated him to be about fifteen, but said he had no identification, and they had no clues as to where he was from. The article went on to say that no facilities were available for runaways, and that he had evidently frozen to death in the big storm on Christmas Eve. Yeah, I thought. No room for him at the Inn.

I got a printout of the story, and determined to write a letter to the paper with a view to pointing the finger at incompetent social services, callous taxpayers, and self righteous "Christians.". I was angry for the first time in years, and thought about how close Eric had come to a similar fate. Then I cried for this unknown young man whose life Society had wasted.

A little after noon I went up to wake Eric, but found him in the library reading a book. "What are you reading?" I asked.

He held the book up so I could see the title on the spine. The Book of Virtues I read. "Do you like the stories?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said. "They're all about how to be a good person. Have you read it?"

"A long time ago," I said. "I got a lot out of it. It helped me deal with the nasty bastard I used to be."

"No way," he said. "You were never nasty."

"Well, thank you kind sir," I said smiling at him. "I'm glad you think so, but the fact is that I used to be the same kind of queer you hated while you were on the streets. After I read that book, I didn't like myself very much, and I changed some of the things that made me that way. I still have to keep a tight rein on my thoughts, but it gets easier every day."

"Is that why you went to prison?"

"It certainly had a lot to do with it, " I said. "It took a long time for me to realize it was my fault, and not the fault of the boy I had sex with."

"Did he rat you off?"

"Yes, and I hated him for it back then," I answered. "I spent three years devising plans to get even. Then I realized I was only wasting my time instead of using it constructively. When I got out, I had to attend a therapy group, and that was one of the books they suggested I read. It made me think of all the damage I had done to others, and I decided to try to do better."

"You sure did a good job of that," he said. "You're the best guy I ever knew."

"Thank you for saying that," I said. "We can talk about it later if you want to, but it's getting on toward one o'clock. John will be here soon, and you'll want something to eat before he gets here. Go comb your hair, and make yourself presentable. You want to make a good impression, don't you?"

He put a bookmark in the page, and stood up. "I don't care what you were before. I sure love you the way you are now."

"I love you too. Now go."

I went back down to the kitchen,, and heated a can of chili. I put some lunchmeat on a plate, and poured a glass of milk. Eric ran in as I was dishing up the chili. I noticed he had changed into slacks and a dress shirt. "You look very nice," I said as he filled his mouth with chili.

He smiled at me, and continued his assault on the chili and sandwiches. When he finished, he loaded the dishes into the dishwasher, and came to me and hugged me around the waist. "You can stop changing now," he said. "You're perfect just the way you are."

The intercom beeped, and Tom told me John was on his way up. I thanked him and sent Eric to greet him at the door while I stood off to the side where I could watch his face.

When Eric heard John's knock, he swung the door wide and nailed the man with his brightest smile. He stuck his hand out, and said, "Good afternoon, Mister Bishop. My name is Eric Larson, and Bob wants to adopt me."

I had known John for a little less than a year, but had never seen him at a loss for words before. He stuttered, "Er, um, ah." He finally took Eric's outstretched hand and said, "How do you do Mister Larson." Eric gently guided him into the house, and closed the door. John stood in the foyer staring at him with his mouth agape.

I walked up to him barely subduing a laugh, and said, "I see you've met Eric. Quite extraordinary, isn't he?"

Although still somewhat taken aback, John regained his bearing as Eric headed for the kitchen, and said, "He's amazing. Where did you find him?"

"Actually he found me. I believe he is Santa's gift to me because I've been such a good boy all these years." We both chuckled over that statement.

As we retired to the family room, I gave John the short version of Eric's plight and how he came to be my permanent guest.

We sat at the coffee table while Eric busied himself in the kitchen. He came in a few minutes later carefully balancing a plate of Oreo cookies, three cups and saucers, a sugar bowl, a creamer, and a carafe of coffee on a tray He put it down and asked, "Is there anything else I can get you, sir?'

John shook his head more in wonder than denial and said, "Not for me. Thank you."

After we had sipped the coffee and dispensed with small talk, the tray was pushed aside, and John opened his attache case. He pulled out a manila folder, and put it in front of me. "This is the result of that project you had me look into last February," he said.

It was my turn to lose it. I sat with my chin on my chest looking at the vellum document in front of me. Emblazoned across the top was the unmistakable single word "PARDON". I glanced at the State Seal, and the scrawled signature and said, "I don't believe it! You did it!"

"Well, I had a small part in it," said John, "but you did most of it. That shelter you funded had a lot to do with it. That gave him a good reason to consider it, and the two hundred thousand in his offshore account did the rest.

"Your record has been purged," he continued. "I had a friend run an NCIC [National Criminal Information Center] background check on you, and it came back blank. There are undoubtedly some hard copies of your transgressions laying around in old files somewhere, but the computers are clean."

"How is the shelter coming?" I asked. "I just saw a story in the local paper that said a youngster died in the storm. He was found in a snowbank."

Eric asked, "Was it a street kid?"

"They think so," I told him. "He didn't have any ID, and there is no missing persons report fitting his description."

"Was there a picture with the story?"

"Yes, but not a very good one," I said. "It's on my desk if you want to look at it."

Eric jumped up and ran out of the room. He came shuffling back a few minutes later weeping quietly. "It's Jeremy," he sobbed. "That's one of the guys I told you about who helped me."

John asked him gently, "Do you know his last name?"

"He said it was Shaw, but nobody ever gives his real last name. I'm not even sure his real name was Jeremy," Eric sobbed. "All I know is, he was a good guy. He was another one the pastor at the Angel of Mercy mission wouldn't let stay."

"WHAT?" John burst out. "Why couldn't he stay?"

"Pastor Bucholtz said there was no room in God's house for faggots," said Eric. "That's why I couldn't stay there either."

John was appalled. "How many were told that?"

"There were five of us. We kind of looked out for each other until I lost track of Jeremy and Josh." Eric was still crying, but he was holding up better than I would have under the circumstances.

John dialed his cell phone, and spoke into it. "I want to talk to Dan. This is John Bishop." He waited a minute or two, and then said, "He damned well better find the time to talk to me right now. I have some information on that dead teen" Less than a minute later he said, "Dan? I think I have some information for you. I have it on good authority that the boy that was found in the snow this morning went by the name Jeremy Shaw. He had some buddies that weren't found. Do you know if they're in your lockup?"

A couple of minutes went by, then, "Yeah." ---. "I see. Who's the PD? --- Uh-huh. ----Uh-huh.--- No.--- Well, I may take a hand in it. ----- OK, Dan. I'll talk to you soon." He laughed and then broke the connection. He turned to Eric and said, "Your other friends are being held at Juvenile Hall at the moment. They are being charged with Breaking and Entering. I'll see what I can do for them tomorrow. I have to talk to the Public Defender first. We lawyers have strict rules about stepping on each other's toes." He made a wry face.

"Can't you just get them out and bring them up here?" asked Eric. Things are so simple to solve when you're thirteen.

"There are a lot of reasons why that's not a good idea," John said to him. "For one thing, it would put you and Bob at risk. Then too, I know what Bob's rules are, and I doubt these boys could measure up. I'll see what I can do tomorrow. Till then, there isn't much we can do except pray I can convince the DA not to press charges."

"If it will help, I'll cover any damages they caused," I said.

"That might be the thing that springs them," said John, "Well, let's table that for the time being.

"To answer your question about the shelter," he continued, "the contractor is into cleanup, and the decorators are in full swing. We have the necessary permits and licenses. It should be ready for occupancy by the first."

"That's only a few days away," I said. "Is the staff lined up?"

John ticked the positions off on his fingers; "We have a pediatrician, three of the four counselors, a cook, and a housekeeper," he said. "I'm sold on Janet Hayes as the director, but I know how you feel about women in authority, so I've also got William Petty on the list."

I knew they were both highly qualified. "Why do you like Janet better than Bill?" I asked.

"Both have impeccable credentials," he said, "but I read both their doctoral theses, and Janet's covers the ground in the field we need. It's a masterful paper on the needs of homosexual youth. Besides that, she has seven years experience working for the Colorado State Hospital in just that niche." He paused, then said, "And I'm pretty sure she's gay."

"Is she available now," I asked, "or will we have to wait while she plays head games with us?"

"She wants the job. The salary offer is acceptable, but the thing she loves most is the idea of functioning without the State looking over her shoulder."

"Sign her up," I said. "Have her ready to take over on the first. Hire the others, and have them move in. I want to get the shelter open so there are no more 'Jeremy Shaw's' slipping through the cracks.

"The first is next Monday," I said. "I want to have a small ribbon cutting ceremony, and I want to be the one to cut the ribbon to open 'The Jeremy Shaw Memorial Shelter.' Invite the press. I'd like for them to hear what I have to say." I gave him an evil smile. He had his mouth open again. "Well, I paid four million dollars to build the place. Shouldn't I have the say as to what it will be called?"

Eric suddenly wrapped his arms around my neck and murmured, "You're the greatest, Dad."

John looked thoughtful. "Be careful how you word that speech," he said to me. "I feel the same way you do, but I don't think it's a good idea to tread on too many important toes before we even begin."

"Fuck them, their important toes, and the horse they rode in on!" I said angrily. "They've had a hundred years to fix the problem, and have done nothing constructive."

"If I'm following your logical train of thought," John said, "you will want me to petition the court to assign Eric's delinquent friends to the new shelter."

"Why, that's a wonderful idea, John," I said sweetly. "If the staff is ready, they could move in tomorrow after court., don't you think?

"I'd also like to cover the boy's funeral expenses." I said. "It makes me angry that the State will just throw him in a hole and cover him up to hide their mistakes."

John pulled out his cell phone, and started dialing. Within a half hour he had notified all the staff members except one of the counselors, and was assured that the shelter would be staffed sufficiently to accept the three boys when they were released. "Done, and done," he said. "The funeral home will take care of the nitty gritty, and Jeremy will be 'at rest' by tomorrow morning in viewing room 'B'.

"Now, what's this about an adoption?"

"I think Eric said it quite succinctly," I said. "What we need to discuss is a plan of action."

"Well, now that your record is no longer an issue, I don't see any reason why it can't be done," said John. "It might be a good idea to file the petition in another county, though. You are quite well known in this one, and there are pit bulls around who might try to derail your petition. Marie Perkins comes to mind." He had mentioned the assistant DA who had prosecuted my conviction. "She can't legally quote chapter and verse, but she can mention the pardon, and throw suspicion around."

"Where would you suggest," I asked. "I'm a legal resident here, and I really don't like the idea of moving." I laughed. "It's pretty hard to move a place this big."

"How about Lincoln County," he said, ignoring my attempt at humor. "It's not that far away, and all you would have to do is buy a vacation cottage - a beach front cabin on the coast, maybe. After the adoption is final, you can sell it, or rent it out. Consider it an investment."

"Sounds like a plan," I said. "If I rented it out during the summer, I could also make it available to friends and employees. I'm sure Tom and Carl would enjoy a week or two on the beach, although I don't know what we'd do around here without them."

"Well, we'll call that a 'yes'. You can get hold of your realtor in the morning, and let me know as soon as you've completed the purchase." He continued, "Meanwhile, I'll get the paperwork started. Anything else?"

"Yes," I said. "Eric needs his basic records, and I thought you might be able to talk to his father about them. He will need his school records, birth certificate, Social Security Card, and anything else you think he might need in the future."

John thought a moment. "I think it's a good idea to talk to his father anyway. We might be able to make a shortcut in the adoption process if we can get him on our side."

"Good luck," snorted Eric. "He threw me out of his house. He said I must be the milkman's kid because none of his family was queer."

"That's even better," said John. "I'll bet he has a favorite tavern where he drinks."

Eric nodded.

John said, "I wonder how he would like it if it became common knowledge there that his son is gay." He put on an evil smile. "This is all ammunition for our side. We might even get lucky, and get him to sign a 'Termination of Parental Rights' affidavit."

"He stole my bank account too," Eric said. "I had over a thousand dollars in it that my mother gave me before she died."

"Oh Eric," John said, "I'm going to love doing this for you. I don't suppose you know the account number."

"No. The passbook was in the family strongbox," he said. "Does that make a difference?"

"It would make it easier," said John, "but I'll see what my investigator can find. For now, just write down your father's name and address. Put down your mother's name too. I'll take it from there."

Eric took the proffered paper and pen, and wrote the names and his old address on it. John took it and put it in his attache case. "Anything else while I'm here?"

Eric and I looked at each other, and I said, "I guess that's all. You're welcome to stay for dinner if you want to."

"Thanks, but no," he said. "Billy will be waiting for me, and he'll be cooking tonight. I can't miss that - much as I'd like to." He laughed at his own joke, and we all stood up. He extended his hand to Eric, and said, "I'm very happy to have met such an extraordinary young man. I hope to see you again soon." He turned to me and said, "It's always a pleasure, Bob. I'll keep you posted on everything, and I'll call you tomorrow about those three in Juvie."

"I appreciate it, John. I'll be waiting for your call."

Eric and I saw him to the door, and said our farewells. He smiled and waved as he got into his Mercedes, and drove off down the hill.

Eric pushed his head up into my armpit, and put his arm around my waist. I led him back into the family room, and sat him next to me on the sofa in front of the fire, which he had rebuilt earlier. He grabbed me with both arms and sobbed, "He didn't deserve to die," he moaned. "Why did God make him die? He wasn't really bad."

My eyes were full of tears too, but not so much because of Jeremy's misfortune. My love for Eric made me hurt because he was hurting, and I had no answers for him. Platitudes would not assuage his grief, so I cradled him in my arms, and rocked him until he fell asleep from emotional exhaustion. I loved him the more because even in the flush of his new-found largess, he had not forgotten the realities plaguing those he had shared the hard times with.

I gently woke him after an hour, and said, "Supper time, Little One." He opened his eyes, and his eyes filled up again. I said quietly, "Maybe Jeremy died so that your other friends could live a better life. There are people in town who are really pissed off that a young boy died because there was no place for him on Christmas Eve."

I heard the phone ringing, but let the machine answer it. What I had in my arms was much more important than anything else. I said to Eric, "It's time for dinner."

He answered, "I'm not really hungry."

"OK," .I said, "but you'll have let me go turn off the oven or we'll be smoked out." He released me, and I went to the kitchen. I turned off the oven, and took the roast out to cool. Eric came in a few minutes later, and said, "I guess I should eat something. You went to all the trouble of fixing it."

"Don't worry about that," I said. "I'd throw it out and start over if it would make you happy again. I felt the way you do when my mother died. I was in prison, and they wouldn't even let me go to the funeral. They just told me she was dead, and sent me back to my cell."

The phone rang again, and I picked it up. "Llewellyn here." I said.

John's excited voice said, "I got him! I got the son of a bitch. He's going to be defrocked and sent to burn in the Sahara if I have my way."

"John?" I said. "What are you talking about?"

"I called the head honcho at the Angel of Mercy Synod, and read him his beads, from 'a' for asshole to 'z' for zero - including, but not limited to 'f' for faggot and 'q' for queer. I told him his fucking pastor here was responsible for Jeremy's death. I told him the donation you made last year would not be renewed, and that I was going to try to bring charges that would take away their tax exempt status."

John," I said, "are you drunk?

"You bet your bippy. And I'm mad too."

"Is Billy there?

"Yep, and he's mad too," he said.

I had never known John to be this upset over anything before. "Let me talk to Billy," I said.

Billy came on the line, and said meekly, "hello?"

"This is Bob Llewellyn, Billy. I want you to find your dad's keys, and hide them. He's apt to go looking for that pastor, and do him real harm. That will only get John in trouble, and won't do anything for Jeremy or anyone else."

"OK, Mr Llewellyn. I'll do it. I've never seem him so spaced out. He really scares me."

"There's no need for you to be scared, Billy. John couldn't hurt you, but he might kill the son of a bitch who turned Jeremy out into that storm."

"Thanks for telling me what to do."

"Just hold him tight," I said. "He needs your love now more than ever. I'm always here if you need me. Just call."

"I will. Thanks again." He hung up.

I put the dinner on the island, and Eric picked at it, but did get some of it down. I ate sparingly too, and there was a lot left over. I put everything away, and carried Eric upstairs. I put him to bed, and laid next to him until he fell asleep. He slept fitfully, so I stayed with him all through the night. He woke as dawn broke gray and cloudy. "Dad?" he said. He looked at me mournfully and asked, "Why, Dad?"

I looked at him sadly, and said, "I don't know, Son. Some things have no explanation. I wish I could give you a reason, but I can't."

He snuggled himself into my arms, and asked, "Do you suppose he suffered?"

"I don't know that either," I said, "but I've heard that it's an easy way to go. I read that you get warm and go to sleep before you actually die of the cold, but I don't know. I guess nobody knows."

"I hope he's happier now," he said. "He always said that all he wanted was to be safe and warm ."

"I'm sure he has his wish. He's probably looking down on us, and wondering why we're so sad when he's so happy."

"I hope so," he said, and closed his eyes again.

New Experiences

Enrico was now alone in the room he had shared with Samuele. Therefore for some months he had no more sex. Samuele was happy with his new life as a married man and told Enrico that he had enjoyed having sex with him, but that he clearly preferred a woman.

Possibly, also to compensate a little for his separation from Samuele, Enrico started to mix with his study mates more than before. One of them invited him to attend a group of "historical studies". Enrico found it interesting. Soon he noticed that in that group were circulating new
ideas. Especially a young doctor, whose name was Carlo Poma, fascinated him. Not only and not so much physically, but for his personality and character. Carlo Poma was clearly oriented towards women, therefore Enrico, after a first moment of expectation, set aside his hope. But the
fascination of the young physician's personality was so strong that he tried, all the same, to become at least his friend.

Carlo defined himself as a patriot. But to him the concept of fatherland was deeply different than, for instance, that of Enrico's father and of the majority of people. To Carlo the fatherland, the "land of the fathers", was not Venetian land, and even less the Austro-Hungarian Empire. To Carlo the Fatherland (with a capital "F") was Europe. A single culture, the Greek-roman one, a common racial stock, an unic religion, the christianism, united Europe in a sole entity whose peoples were so mixed up to constitute, at his eyes, an homogeneous and indistinguishable whole, especially if compared with cultures such as the Arab-Asiatic or the Russian-Slavic.

But in this whole, artfully divided in nations, according to Carlo, one nation didn't still have the dignity of existing as a homogeneous entity - the Italian nation.

"From the Alps to the Jonian Sea, we speak one only language, Italian, we have one only religion, Catholicism, one only cultural tradition. Dante is not only a Florentine, a Tuscan, he is the poet of us all, and he is Italian. The same for Michelangelo, Cellini, Leonardo, Raffaello, Pier Capponi, Masaniello... they all are Italian, and yet it doesn't still exist as a recognized entity having the same dignity of the other states, that we can call Italy! Italy has been divided, enslaved, humiliated..."

Enrico listened carefully to these speeches - in the group were circulating in great secrecy the writings of one Giuseppe Mazzini, who championed the republican ideal; they talked about the writings of one Gioberti, who wished an united Italy under the rule of the Pope; they whispered about one Giuseppe Garibaldi, who was recruiting volunteers ready to give their life for an united Italy...

These were dangerous, subversive speeches, and yet very fascinating and Enrico felt more and more involved in them, as he felt they were right and sound.

Enrico was twenty one years old when he met his third man, a theatrical actor.

This was a twenty nine year old youth, his name was Otello Atzeni. With his troupe they were playing ShakespeareÕs tragedies and Otello was splendid in Hamlet's role. Enrico went to see it with his university mates. After the play one of them, who was really rich and full of money, invited the entire troupe to dinner. Enrico found himself sitting near Otello Atzeni.

The actor was a likeable and handsome companion, so that Enrico felt attracted to him. Otello was sitting between Enrico and another university student, but this last was engaged in a conversation with the actress sitting at his right, so that Enrico and Otello talked all the
time together.

When Enrico told him he would have liked to see the other tragedies played by the troupe, Otello said, "I will send you a carnet of complimentary tickets, so that you can come and see us any time you like."

"That's very kind of you, and I am really grateful. What can I do to repay your courtesy?"

"Two things - advertise our plays and, when you come to see us, after the performance come to greet me in my dressing room..."

"More than willingly." Enrico said gladly.

The following day he received at home the carnet with a card jot down by Otello, saying, "I hope to see you soon at the theater. Your company yesterday night during the dinner has been extremely pleasing. See you soon, Atzeni O."

Thus, once a week, Enrico started to go to theatre and after the performance he gave his name to go to Otello's dressing room.

The actor, though always surrounded by his admirers, found the way to talk with him, and one evening told him, "My friend, you see how I am besieged!"

"Aren't you pleased? It is the evidence of your fame."

"Yes, certainly it is... but I would like having more time to spend with you. Why don't you wait for me? I'll change my clothes, and then we can go to have a drink together..."

"With real pleasure. Where can I wait for you?"

"In front of the theatre there is a cafe open till late. Wait for me inside there. I will try not to be late."

In the eyes of the young man Enrico noticed a special light and asked himself if by chance also the actor was a lover of his own sex. And he wished so - he liked the actor very much. He went to wait for him at the cafe and ordered a hot chocolate.

Otello came and sat, smiling, at his table, "Here I am at last, all for you! I hope you don't have to go back too soon..."

"I have the key, I don't have a fixed time to go back home."

"Very good, but here they will close in a short while. Why don't you drop in to my place? I have a room at Damiani's Hotel, a small room but all for myself. And so I can show you the newspapers cuttings talking about me..."

"Willingly, if this doesn't bother you."

"On the contrary! Are you coming, then?"

They went to the hotel and up to Otello's room. There reigned an agreeable disorder, the one you can expect to find in an artist's room. Otello tried to tidy up summarily and freed two chairs and a part of the small desk.

"Have a seat, please. Here is the album of the cuttings talking about me..." he said and, opening in front of him the album, instead of sitting on the other chair, he stood at the back of Enrico, to point out the various articles and to comment on them. Enrico could feel his proximity and became aroused.

While Otello, leaning above him, was explaining, Enrico raised a little his head and their faces brushed slightly. Their eyes met.

"Do you know that you have wonderful eyes?" Otello said to him and passed his hand through EnricoÕs hair.

Enrico raised some more his head and whispered, "And you... you have sensual and sweet lips..."

"Do you think?" Otello asked in a breath and his lips went down to meet Enrico's lips.

They kissed. Enrico stood up turning; they embraced, hugged kissing again, and felt that the other too was aroused.

"Oh, Enrico! Come..." Otello said driving him towards his bed. They undressed each other with feverish hands, climbed on the bed and enlaced to each other, full of desire. Otello knew where to touch him to stir up his pleasure, and Enrico was more and more aroused - he loved those long preliminaries.

"Enrico..." moaned the young man lying on his back and pulling Enrico upon him.

"Yes?"

Otello spread his legs raising them at the sides of the other, "Take me, and push it all inside me, please!"

Enrico looked at him in surprise, but Otello had his eyes shut and was pulling him to himself. So Enrico directed with the hand his member, pushed, started to sink in him, smooth like a hand entering in its glove, and felt strong warmth enveloping him.

He emitted a low moan, "Ooooh, Otello... I like it!"

"Yes, push, harder!"

"Yes, oh yes!" Enrico cried out, feeling prey of an intense pleasure and, when he was fully immersed, he placed his knees and elbows on the mattress and started to heatedly piston inside the young man.

"Yes so, yes so..." Otello spurred him tossing under him.

When finally Enrico lay motionless on him, panting, emptied, Otello caressed him for a long while.

"Now it's you turn to take me." Enrico said thinking that his companion could desire to take him.

"No, I only like being fucked. You are a real young bull, Enrico. I'm glad I offered myself to you."

"And I to have taken you! Did you know that it is my first time?"

"To make love or to have sex with a man?"

"Neither of them, it's the first time I am on top."

"I would say you liked it, luckily. Will you come again to visit me?"

"For sure, and with a real pleasure." Enrico answered and Otello kissed him.

They became lovers. The met two or three times per week. No more in the late evening but in day time, when Enrico ended his lessons. They dated one time for the other. Enrico loved the merry welcome of the other - they talked about theater, about this and that, they made love, they talked again.

Enrico grew fond of Otello, or rather, little by little he fell in love. Thus, a day, he told him so.

"It's now seven months we have known each other... and I, Otello, have become aware I am in love with you..."

"Thank you." the actor answered with a short smile.

"But... do you love me?" Enrico asked, slightly strained.

"Yes, yes, I love you. I adore this beautiful member of yours that you push inside me with such vigor. You make me feel I am all yours, when you take me."

Enrico was happy.

Otello seemed... hungry for him. When he went upstairs in his room, he embraced him impetuously and said to him, with urgency, "At last here you are! Come, let me feel your good pole, take me, make me yours!" and undressed him, filled with irrepressible lust, took him to the bed, made Enrico lie down on him and offered himself spurring him, "Your are a real male, Enrico... Oooh, yes... harder, stronger.... Oh, Enrico, what a bull you are! Fuck me, make me die!"

"Did you miss me, Otello?"

"Yes... your good pole, Enrico... Harder!"

"Did you think of me, in these days?"

"Yes, and each time I throbbed with excitement waiting to meet you, to give myself to you! Oh, yes, Enrico, soooo... make me feel all of it!" the man moaned tossing under him.

Enrico felt on fire, he put his heart into it, got into him with enthusiasm, and when finally he abandoned himself on top of him, exhausted, sated, Otello hugged him almost violently and whispered, "You like banging me, don't you?"

"I love you, Otello." the youth answered, panting. But then, much to his regret, he had to leave.

The actor cleaned him, then himself and gave him the date for the following meeting, "I'm sorry you have to leave... I would be ready to start again, even now."

"But unhappily you have to rehearse your play and I have to go to study..." said Enrico, glad for the inexhaustible desire that the actor showed him.

Inexhaustible desire, for real.

Several months later, one morning Enrico went to the university just to be informed that, for a sudden illness of his anatomy teacher, the lesson was not held. His friends invited him to a political meeting, but Enrico on the contrary thought he could do a surprise to his Otello and be for a longer time with him, therefore he excused himself and went, in a fast pace, to his man's hotel. He went up to his room and knocked at the door. He had to knock several times, but finally Otello came, wrapped in his gown of damask, his eyes drowsy.

"Otello! Did I wake you up?"

"Yes, but... why are you here?"

"There is no lesson, this morning, so I thought..." the young man said entering the room of his man.

"But it is not your turn, this morning..." the man said hesitantly,looking the watch he had on the table.

"My turn? What do you mean?" Enrico asked slightly puzzled. Then, noticing he was looking at his watch, he asked, "Are you waiting for somebody?"

"Our wardrobe designer... for some fitting..."

"Will that take you a long time? When does he come?"

"In fifteen minutes..."

"Well... I can wait in the other room; I have all the morning free."

"No... The fitting will take me much time, I'm afraid. I'm sorry, but I was waiting for you tomorrow afternoon..."

"What did you mean, before, when you said it was not my turn?"

"Nothing... I'm just a little drowsy, I talked haphazardly."

The wardrobe designer, Enrico thought. A twenty eight years old man; he caught a glimpse of him several times... He was going for the fittings there, in his room... Weird! Why not in the dressing room in the theater? Enrico felt a pang of jealousy - a handsome young man, there...

"But you... what fittings are you talking about? And why here, in your room?" Enrico hesitantly asked.
"I was waiting for you tomorrow..." the man repeated, ill at ease.

"You and that young man, then..." Enrico said looking him in his eyes, anxiously.

"Enrico, try to understand..."

"Understand? What do I have to understand, that you make him bang you too? And who else? How many more?"

"But what? Do you believe that it could be enough for me doing it with you just two or three times each week? I like you very much, yes, but... of course I have others, as long as my body is young and desirable... Beauty and youth elapse even too fast, don't you know? I have to profit, as long as I'm still pleasing. How many more? The most I have the best it is, Enrico. The wardrobe designer, one of the waiters of this hotel, the son of my impresario... and at evening, after our performance, some of my admirers, not less than two each day, Enrico."

"And you said you loved me!" the young man accused him, bitterly.

"And I love you, but you are not always here for me."

"But what does it mean to you, then, to love?"

"I like how you mount me, how you bang me! You are a young bull."

"Yes, and you... you are a cow in heat!" retorted with rage and scorn Enrico, feeling on the brim of tears.

Otello smiled, "Yes, why not, a cow in heat surrounded by bulls in heat. Nunzio, the waiter, is married, he has two sons. He says he likes best banging me than his wife. I like being banged and you know how to bang, you are skilled. But it's not only you who exist. You have a very good
cock and you use it in the right way, but yours is not the only one, luckily."

"And you said you loved me..." Enrico repeated feeling emptied.

"Come on, Enrico! You really couldn't believe you only existed, could you? I like you, I really like you a lot or else I would not have continued having sex with you for almost two years..."

"You rather like my member!"

"Yes, sure, I like it. I like sucking it, I like the feeling of it sinking inside me, and how it hammers into me. What more? Didn't I always give you pleasure?"

"You told me you were mine!"

"And I am yours... while you bang me. I'm yours!"

"You are ready to be banged by the first passerby who wants to amuse himself inside you!"

"Why, didn't you amuse yourself inside me?"

"But I loved you. I was in love with you..." Enrico sadly said, shaking his head.

In that moment someone knocked at the door.

"I must be going, then!" the youth said.

"Will I see you tomorrow afternoon?"

"I don't think so."

They knocked again.

"Go and open the door." Enrico said.

The wardrobe designer entered.

When he saw Enrico, he stopped, disconcerted, but then opened in a wide smile, "You didn't tell me it was a threesome, today, Otello! Mmmhh, no bad at all, the boy, I should say! He too takes it up his ass?"

"No... He is going away..." the actor said, somewhat embarrassed.

"Yes, I take it also up my ass, but not by you. You should content yourself to mount him, I regret." Enrico dryly answered.

The wardrobe designer took his arm looking at him with a smile and with his other hand groped Enrico's crotch, "You seem well endowed. I like both ways, why don't you mount me while I mount Otello? It would be amusing." he proposed with a lusty look.

Enrico wriggled away, "No, look for somebody else for your threesomes." he said and went out of the room, going hurriedly home.

On the way back, he met Samuele.

"Enrico! What a pleasure meeting you! It is almost ten days we don't see each other. But... what face you have! What happened?"

"Oh, Samuele... Nothing, it is nothing."

"Come on! You have such a look... as if you were about crying."

"That's so..."

"Some problems? Besides being cousins, we are friends, aren't we? If you would tell me..."

"Do you have time? Take me somewhere... where we can talk in tranquility..."

Samuele took him in a cafe and asked for a reserved room. Here Enrico told him the burning delusion he received from Otello.

Samuele listened to him then said, "My poor Enrico. I can understand you. But what could you expect from an actor? With theatre people one goes just to amuse himself, one should never fall in love."

"It seems that I always fall in love with the wrong people..."

"You are still young, come on! And then, for people loving his own gender, everything is more difficult. But you are a dear boy, and sooner or later you will find somebody able to give you true love. I too loved you, in a way. It's not worth feeling so bad, for that actor."

"I fooled myself..."

"That's right."

"Because... I need love."

"And who doesn't need it, my friend?"

"You, at least, found it."

"Do you believe so? No. I found a woman, a good wife, a worthy mother for my children the day we will have some, a nice companion. But love... There was more love between you and me, believe me. Between me and my wife there is affection, and this is better than nothing. She doesn't cheat on me, I don't cheat on her. But love... I believe that one human being in a hundred has the privilege to know real love and to keep it for all his life. And possibly even less than one in a hundred..."

"Therefore, how can I expect to be that one in a hundred?" Enrico commented with a bitter accent.

"And finding the other one in a hundred, this is the problem. For a true, deep love, you have to be in two and so the probabilities became one in ten thousand..."

"Samuele the mathematician..." Enrico smiled.

"Oh, good, at least mathematics had the power to make you smile! Come on, Enrico try not to be too much upset. Life goes on, doesn't it? Just think that the actor... didn't deserve you. And this is true."

"Thank you Samuele, it made me feel good talking with you. The biggest problem for us who love our same sex possibly is to have somebody with whom we can talk about what we feel, face, and experience. Talking is a healing thing..."

"You know that you always can talk with me, don't you?"

"Yes, and I am grateful. And I am also grateful because you don't repudiate what was between us for some years."

"Repudiate it? How could I? I too wanted it, I too enjoyed it? It would be not honest nor towards you and neither towards myself. Come on, Enrico, never lose your beautiful smile. Learn from this event not to fool yourself, but continue in your search for love with faith..."

"Also if I have a possibility of one in ten thousand?"

"Also, sure!"

That dialog made Enrico feel good, and even more than the words, the affection that Samuele showed him.

He immersed himself in his studies and in attending the political group and his friendship with Carlo Poma grew stronger.

Uncle Phil's Ranch

by: Derrick

Hi, my name is Derrick. I am eighteen and beginning my freshman year at a Texas university, the same one my father attended. I want to tell you the story of this past summer where I had my "awakening" and learned about love.

My life really took a turn the summer after my fourteenth birthday. My parents decided to take a three- week European vacation and planned on dragging me along to see all the museums and cathedrals. That definitely was not my idea of a fun summer. I thought I was old enough to stay on my own for that short of a time.

They thought differently. We finally agreed that I could spend the time with dad's much older brother, Uncle Phil, at his ranch in Texas. It was my opinion that "cow country" was only a little better than Europe. I finally agreed when it became clear I wasn't going to get to stay by myself.

I hated my first week in the raw country. I mean, like I came from a very small city in Indiana, but Uncle Phil's ranch was in the middle of fucking nowhere. No one my age around for miles.

Things soon changed as I realized my Uncle was a lot more fun than my "strictly business" dad. He taught me how to fish, hunt rabbits at night from the truck and best of all he taught me how to drive the truck, letting me take it all over the ranch. He even gave me one of his horses and bought me a saddle that would always be mine. At the end of my short three weeks, I didn't want to go home and my Uncle helped me talk my parents into letting me remain the whole summer. I had a blast.

When I did arrive home in time for school, my parents thought I had matured. My friends were impressed with my Texas tan, my boots and Stetson. In fact I had put on a few pounds while down there. Uncle Phil and Aunt Martha had retired early from the banking and oil business and
didn't do much of any work anymore. They had built quarters behind the garage and hired an old Mexican couple as cook and handy man. Boy could Maria cook. I had never even heard of BBQ goat before, but I loved it. I loved everything she cooked and it made her happy to see me devouring everything I could get my hands on.The next summer my parents let me return to the ranch. And the next, and the next.

I began to grow into a very handsome young man, but I had never given any thought to my sexuality.

When I first hit puberty, I had played around with a fewof my friends but nothing more than jacking each other off. Gradually, we all started to take interest in girls. Maybe, I should say the girls were taking an interest in me. My body had developed quite a few muscles from all my summers of hard work at the ranch. I had my chores just like I was his son and had started to
like working with the hired hands hauling hay and mending fences. Even had to help with some of the animal birthing including sticking my arm up a mare to check the colt. Gross!

I never dated any girl for really a long period of time because others were always chasing me. Another reason was, I didn't seem to be crazy about making it with girls as most of my friends were. I mean, it was okay to fuck, it felt good and all that, but I was just not as consumed about it as they were.

In fact, I spent more time thinking about my summers at the ranch than I did about chicks. Eating pussy was really gross to me although I did like for them to give me head. This one particular girl really enjoyed sucking my cock more than fucking. She always creamed in her
panties at the same time my cum flooded her mouth. She usually wanted to kiss right afterwards but I couldn't - It was just too gross with the remains of my cum in her mouth. But she did teach me another trick.

When it would take me a long time to shoot off, she would slowly insert her finger in my asshole. The first time it hurt like hell but it made me blow my nuts immediately. It got to where I needed her finger in there to get off. It wasn't long before I was ramming my own finger up my ass when I jacked-off.

I never considered putting anything else up there though. Strangely, I never thought about girls or boys when I beat my meat - just how good it felt for my hand to be jacking it.

By the time of graduation, I guess I was one of the best looking guys in school. I knew I was but I tried to keep things in perspective and not let it go to my head. I'm six foot tall, 175 pounds (all solid muscle), with black hair and bright green eyes (some people accuse me of
wearing high color contacts).

For graduation, my parents had given me a new Jeep. It took a lot of persuasion on my part since they didn't think it was safe. They finally gave in when I pointed out that people in Texas drive trucks more than cars. Besides, the Jeep would be great for back roading around
the ranch.

I cram-packed all my belongings into it and headed for Texas for another summer at the ranch before I started college about a 100 miles away from Uncle Phil's. I looked like a red Gypsy wagon going down the road.

When I arrived at Uncle's, I was disappointed to learn that Maria's husband had taken very sick and they had returned to Mexico. They had hired another Mexican family to replace them but they came with a son the same age as I.

Uncle Phil explained they had not finished adding a room to the quarters for the boy, so if I wouldn't mind, we would have to share the same room in the house for a couple of weeks. I didn't mind since the room was furnished with bunk beds. The only problem would be me finding the privacy for jacking-off.

When I first met the son, Alex, I was a little surprised. He looked more like 14 instead of 18. Maybe 5'4,"125#'s with really black hair and big dark brown eyes. His heavy eyebrows almost met in the middle. His nose was small and upturned. His face reminded me of some angelic altar boy. There was a sadness in his eyes even though he readily smiled. He could speak enough English to get by but sometimes you had to rephrase things or repeat them several times for him to understand.

We got along okay but he was extremely shy and introverted.. It was more like having a younger brother than a friend my own age. I really didn't mind too much, because as an only child, I had always wanted a younger brother to look after.

We didn't have very much in common but at least he was someone my age to hang with. He was so shy he wouldn't even strip to his briefs for bed until the lights were out. When they were, it was zip and he was up the ladder and under the covers before my eyes could adjust.

I realized my body probably made him a little self-conscience about his smaller statue. I had caught him on more than one occasion, sneaking looks at my crotch when I would be in my snug BVD's. I tried to reassure him that I really did like him by putting my arm around his shoulders whenever the opportunity presented itself. That seemed to relax him some but he was still too shy to undress in front of me. It became my goal to make him feel comfortable enough to do it.

The third week I was there, I suggested that we should go fishing and camping for the weekend at the lake that was about a mile and half away thru the woods. Uncle Phil and his parents agreed. His mom made sure we had plenty of food packed in case we didn't catch any fish.

We loaded down the Jeep with camping gear and headed out. The lake was small and private as it was totally on my uncle's land. I had this favorite spot with a great clearing near the shore. I had skinny dipped there many times.

Alex was suitably impressed with the site. In an hour we had the tent and our campsite set up. A little later we settled in for some serious fishing from the shore. After about an hour of no fish, we became bored. I suggested we go for a swim and he agreed.

I stood up, dropped my shorts and briefs. He had already jumped in the lake still wearing his cut-offs. We swam, splashed, played and dunked each other, just as boys are supposed to do. When we were finally decided to get out, my dick was pretty shriveled and my balls were pulled
tight.

"Okay, Alex, time to get out those wet shorts.... we can hang them over there to dry."

"No, I'm okay," he replied.

He still wasn't going to do it.

I lunged at him and had him in my powerful grip before he knew what was happening. My free hand was hastily removing his cut-offs as he pleaded, "No, pleeeaze, don't." I wouldn't take no for an answer and proceeded to pull them to the ground.

With my foot I managed to remove them completely from his ankles. I let him go, he stood there in front of me in briefs that were at least a size too big (they had trouble staying on his hips) with both hands covering his crotch. I thought, what the hell, I can't stop now. He read my mind and tried to run. He didn't make it 10 feet. Off came the shorts. He was screaming "No, No, No," as I pulled his hands away from his crotch.

When I looked down at his groin, I was shocked. His dick was extremely small... so small that it was almost hidden by his thick pubes. I didn't see any balls either. Heck, Alex was smaller than I was when I was 14. I looked into his eyes and saw the tears starting to form. I felt really bad that I had embarrassed him so. If I had known then what I learned later, I would never have done such a thing.

Alex had a triple cross to bear. First, he had been circumcised when he was 6 for medical reasons, which made him very different from other Mexican boys. Second, as he got older he was shorter and skinnier than other boys his age. Third, his cock and balls were really small. He was considered a freak by some boys and had been teased by others that he would never satisfy a
woman with his "boy dick." He was still a virgin.

I felt so bad for what I had done that I reached out and hugged his nakedness to mine. He responded by throwing his arms around me tightly. I wanted to hold and protect him from further harm. We stood in our embrace for long moments. He shifted slightly and I felt his cock
starting to grow hard against my leg. I felt my groin start to stir.

I was surprised by my growing erection as well as his. I couldn't let go of him no matter what happened. I picked him up and moved to where our blankets had been spread on the ground. I forced him down until we were laying side by side in our embrace.

Slowly, he slid his hand down my back and around to the front. He pulled his head back, gazing directly into my eyes as his small hand slipped between out hot bodies. His fingers found their goal and wrapped around my hard meat. I couldn't hurt him more by moving his hand or not
touching him, so I quickly reached and took his extremely hard four-incher in my hand. His eyes closed as he started to suck his lower lip. We both gently started to massage each other's manhood. It felt wonderful.

Slowly, Alex started to slide down my body causing my hand to lose contact with his dick. He curled up beside me with his head laying on my stomach. He was still slow stoking my cock and slowly lowered it to his face. Gracefully he moved his face forward and without hesitation sucked the head into his eager mouth. He sucked lightly. Shifting slightly, he moved further down
taking as much of my throbbing cock as he could, deeper until it hit the back of his mouth. He was so lightly sucking, I had never felt anything like it before.

There was something different in his manner. Worship and love is the only way to describe what his hot sucking mouth was doing to me. I placed my hand on his shoulder and whispered for him to stop as I was about to cum. He nodded slightly as he increased the wet suction. I could
wait no longer and forcibly erupted massive shots of cum into him as he gagged and gagged. His body was trying to throw up but he wouldn't come off my dick. Some of my cum that he was trying to swallow was ejected through this nose as he convulsed. I felt his hot cum drops spraying my legs as he wildly jerked himself.

I lay, with Alex still clinging to my side, in magnificent ecstasy, realizing that I had never felt so
complete in my life. I wanted to return the feeling and rolled him to his back. Without ceremony, I went straight for his softening cock, sucking it totally into my mouth in one motion. I heard his gasp as I greedily worked his dick with my mouth.

I had no experience sucking cock but found his four inches easy to take completely in my hot mouth. I just held it there and sucked like I was trying to get a thick milkshake thru a straw. I wanted him to feel as good as I did. He started to buck and push against my face. My nose was buried deep in his pubes as I had no problem keeping his whole length in me. I wanted his cum.

I could taste the remnants of his spent load and wanted more. Surprisingly, I got my wish very quickly and he humped another volume of his sperm. Most of it went straight into my throat but I managed to back off and captured the last squirts on my tongue. As I let him slip from my mouth, I moved up and hugged his heaving body to mine.

After we had rested for some time, we took another swim to clean our bodies. This time he made no attempt to cover his nakedness. His eyes had gained a sparkle and he smiled continuously. We then devoured some the food his mom had made.

Alex just sat there looking at me with those big brown eyes. I could feel the love and admiration that radiated from him. I thought to myself, if this continues when we get back, someone is going to suspect something.

We spent the afternoon fishing, catching nothing big enough to keep, and exploring the surrounding area. That evening, even though it was still quite warm, we built a nice fire. We sat naked, like we had been all day, roasting wieners and toasting marshmallows. I had brought along a portable radio and was playing some of the country music I had become to like so much.

Some of my friends back in Indiana thought I had become a real nerd about the music. Alex seemed to like it a lot. He had moved closer to me to enjoy the moment to the fullest. As the fire started to die-down, we had laid-back to enjoy the stars on this clear June night. My arm was under Alex's neck as he rested his head against my shoulder. Amazingly enough, neither of us had an erection. We just lay there enjoying the beauty of the world around us.

As we enjoyed the beauty of nature, Alex divulged all his darkest secrets about his size, genitals and all the teasing he had been subjected to. I asked him if he was gay. He shrugged he didn't know but would really like to be like me in every way. Then no one would ever tease him and his dick would be big enough for fucking. I tried to assure him he was big enough for that, but he wasn't buying it. He asked me if I liked guys. I tried to be honest, telling him I had never really considered it but that I had really liked what we had done earlier. He said he did also.

As the fire started to flicker its life away, the bugs of the night began to become bothersome. We decided to retire to the tent for protection.

When we setup camp earlier, we had put our bedrolls on opposite sides with a path between. Alex surveyed the situation and looked at me with pleading eyes, not saying a word. He didn't need to, I understood. I moved my roll closer to the center. He smiled as he quickly moved his next to mine.

Since it was still warm, we lay on top of our rolls. The stars were bright enough to give a faint glow through the tent. I was sure Alex's cock had started to harden but couldn't be sure because of his really big bush. Now, I was a little envious of him, he must have three times the crotch hair as myself, although he was hairless elsewhere except under his arms where he matched me hair for hair. My cock was definitely rock- hard as I thought of having sex with him.

Alex rolled to his side and placed his hand on my chest. I didn't object as my heart started to beat faster. I am sure he felt it pounding and moved his face to one of my nipples. He was using his tongue and mouth to lick and suck at the same time. He slid his body atop me with such ease and grace. The heat of his body was blending into my being. I took his head in my hands, urging him upward. For the first time in my life, I really wanted to kiss someone long and hard. I had kissed a lot of girls but never had the passion been this great.

He moved quickly, smashing his lips against mine with force. He began to suck my tongue with abandon as it entered his hot wet cavity. I retreated and sucked his into mine. Our salvia mixed into a wonderful nectar. We kissed long and hard for what seemed like forever. His hot meat pressed against my hard stomach as my throbbing tool glided between his thighs.

I knew if we didn't stop that I was going to cum and I wanted it to last much longer. I rolled us to our sides and broke the passionate kissing, but giving him a few more pecks on the lips to let him know everything was still alright. My hand began to explore his trim torso as his did mine. We ended at each other's cock with loving squeezes.

It felt that his was a little larger than earlier. He must be as turned on as I am. Alex shifted into a 69 and began his slow sucking, pulling as much of my meat into his mouth as he could and still suck. His hard member was poking at my lips. As I readily accepted him fully into mouth, a no-brainer hit me - I knew how to make this guy's day the most pleasurable he had ever known.
His hard little cock wasn't that much bigger than my finger and I knew where I wanted him to put it.

I broke our 69 and went for the suntan oil in my bag. I filled my hand and reached for my cock. Alex pleaded,
"No, Pleeeaze, No, you too big for me butt."

He was looking at my eyes, pleading with his, and didn't notice my hand slipping down to lube my asshole. I put more oil in my hand and started to lube his hard throbbing little cock. He was shocked, not sure what was going to happen next. I swiveled around, putting my legs on each side of him and helped him to his knees. I pulled my legs up and raised my hole to his cock.

"Fuck me in the ass, Alex - I want to be your first," I commanded. He hesitated from surprise.

I pushed against him harder, "Fuck me, I want your beautiful cock all the way in me while I jack-off. I want you to fuck your hot cum deep inside me. We can be one."

That did it, he fully rammed his tool in my tight ass in one sure swift stoke. I felt his pubes grind into my ass cheeks. God, it felt so good, nothing like a finger. Instincts took over and he started to roughly fuck in and out. He was pounding my ass with all his strength.

Every time he rammed me, it was like an electric shock when he poked my prostate. I knew he wasn't going to last long and began to frantically jack my engorged rod. I wanted to blow my wad close to his. It didn't take me long, I didn't hold back and blasted my heavy load.

His every thrust forced even more out my piss hole. My ass muscles tightened as I came causing him to ram me wildly. He made a final thrust and held as he emptied his nuts inside me. I could actually feel his love squirts. My own load had covered my chest and face - some even went over my head. I had never climaxed so hard in all my life.

With lingering further to savor the moment, Alex withdrew with a pop and collapsed on top me.

Finding my cum, he started to greedily lick. He licked all over me, searching for more to take.

When he could find no more, he moved his face close to mine. He stopped, waiting for approval. I didn't disappoint him. I placed my hands behind his head and pulled until our lips met. This time I wanted to taste my cum in his hot mouth. This was not gross - it was Right.

We finally broke our lingering kiss, rolled to our sides and fell asleep holding our love in our arms.

Later in the night, I was awakened by his soft mouth on my again hard cock. It felt wonderful, as I reached down to urge him to take more. To my surprise, my hand found his dick instead of the back of his head. Instantly, I knew the head of cock was in his ass.

"Easy pleeeaze, you so big" he whispered.

"Are you sure you want this?" I questioned, not wanting to hurt him.

"Yes, I want you all in me like I in you."

I reached down to feel his ass cheeks and found he had oiled both of us quite well for the assault.

I grasped his hip and started to move in deeper. He gasped and I stopped.

"Deeper, all it," he muttered thru clinched teeth.

I went back to making short gentle jabs, slowly sinking into him inch by inch. I couldn't believe how the inside of his ass was so hot and velvety. This was way better than any pussy I'd had. Soon, I felt his ass cheeks against my groin. "That's all of it," I whispered.

"Fuck me good, I yours" he breathed. I began to slow short stoke his hot tight chute, gradually until I was fully shafting him. He began to push back to meet my thrusts.

"Hard," he cried out in passion. I started to fuck him with hard ramming stokes. In less than a minute, I grabbed his hips and slammed my full length deep inside him - straining to get deeper and erupted my load into his bowels.

He moaned loudly as he pushed back trying to get me deeper.

I reached around him to jack him while my hard cock was still in his ass, but found a sticky mess as he had already blown his load. I started to withdraw but he gabbed me and begged me to wait. As my cock softened, he slowly slid off. He turned to face me and wrapped his arm over me.

"Derikk'," he said.

"Yes," I replied.

"I love you, I really love you."

"I love you too, Alex," I whispered back without hesitation. I knew it was true and I didn't care if I was queer for it. What had happened between us this day wasn't just sex, it was our expressions of total love.

You can imagine what the remainder of the summer was like. I am glad college is so close to Uncle Phil's. I plan on going back every weekend to be with the most wonderful person in the world, Alex, My Lover. I can't imagine getting off without his beautiful cock either up my ass or in my mouth. He feels the same.