If Only

I looked forward to beginning college for a number of reasons. Since,
being as objective as possible, I was fairly bright, I had been tracked for
college since early elementary school. When I was accepted to the
University of Illinois, it was as much a relief as anything else.

In addition, I had spent all my life in a very small town. I don't regret
a second of the experience, but I was ready for a change.

And one of the big reasons for looking forward to the move was that
hopefully I could find more people to screw around with, both girls and
guys. With an enrollment of 35,000, U of I seemed to at least have some
potential in that regard.

My first home on campus was Oglesby Hall. Although I was taken by the fact
that it was the newest facility, I didn't appreciate the drawback of it
being at the other end of the known universe from most of my classes until
it was too late.

New student week was a blur. Lots of people, still some money left from
summer jobs, and no classes for awhile yet. I met a lot of people, and
forgot most of their names almost immediately. But some made an
impression.

Steve was one of the first people that I really hit it off with. He was
from Morton, Illinois, a sort of suburb of Peoria. He appeared to be
reserved on the surface, but as I got to know him better he liked to just
sit back and observe the goings on around him. It was an air of near
detachment that for many was an affectation, but for Steve was his way of
not taking life any more seriously than necessary.

It was about the end of new student week when we were in the dining room
finishing our institutional lasagna, talking about movies. 2001 A Space
Odyssey had just hit the theatres, and with the HAL computer having been
created in Urbana, there was an additional tie-in. Neither one of us had
seen it, but it was in our plans.

"As much as I would hate to end all the speculation, we could just actually
go see the movie" I suggested.

"That might work" replied Steve, "but there is a meeting I was going to
tonight."

"Oh, I didn't mean tonight. I've got something else to go to, too. Maybe
the weekend. Matinee or something."

"Sounds like a plan. Catch you later."

What I didn't mention to Steve is that the event on my calendar was a
meeting of the gay students in the Union.

Now I suspected from reading the available information on student
organizations that the gay students group was more political, more
agenda-driven, than social. And that's fine. But I was hoping to find some
people like myself who were less concerned about defining themselves
through their sexual preference than just getting laid as much as possible.

That being the objective, the last thing I wanted to be was on time, or –
gasp – early to the meeting. The idea was to be about the last one in,
maybe 5 or 10 minutes after the meeting started, so everyone can check you
out, and vice versa.

So about 7:00 I entered the Illini Union, walked around for about 5
minutes, and then entered the meeting room through the rear door (no jokes,
please).

A number of heads turned, and I returned the more obvious attempts at eye
contact with a smile and a nod. I pretended to concentrate on the
ever-so-earnest speaker, when there was a tap on my shoulder.

"You really need to get here earlier if you want a seat, Stu" Steve
whispered.

That would go down as one of the more WTF moments of the semester. I made
a vain attempt to regroup.

"Your meeting over already?"

"Nope. Started about 8 minutes ago, same as yours."

We needed to put a damper on our conversation, muted as it was, so as not
to be unduly rude to the rest of the group. But at that point I could – as
we used to say – give a shit less about the rest of the meeting.

Finally, the speakers were done, a sign up sheet was passed around – I
wonder what happened to the letters they sent to Hermie Melville or Hank
Thoreau – and we were out of there.

Steve and I walked together down the Quad.

"So can I ask what you found interesting about the meeting?" he eventually
asked.

"Actually very damn little. And I wasn't expecting much either."

"So why go? Got to be enough to do around here otherwise."

"Take a wild guess."

"If I had to take a wild guess, it would be that you went for the same
reason I did."

"Being?"

"To scout out the talent."

I laughed.

"So what did you think of what you found?"

"I think there is some serious potential. What about you?"

"Definitely some areas for follow up."

"Agreed. But I think both our roommates are in the rooms studying."

"Damn pre-meds. But I think we could probably find a quiet spot in one of
these buildings. Pick - Lincoln or Gregory."

Lincoln Hall and Gregory Hall were two adjacent buildings on the south end
of the Quad. Lincoln was larger, and usually had less traffic.

"Lincoln."

We walked into Lincoln, and then took a flight of stairs up to the third
floor. We saw no one. A restroom was down the hall about 30 feet to our
left. Empty.

"You kiss?" I asked. Some did, some didn't.

"Come here and find out."

The answer was yes, and well. As our tongues played together, we groped
our denim-covered cocks which were trying to rip out of our jeans.

"Let's get in a stall, just in case."

I quickly grabbed the seat, which gave me first dibs on cock. Steve pulled
his out – a nice, cut 6-incher – and I went to work.

Ordinarily when it's someone I like and it's the first time, I really want
to make the blowjob a work of art, something that would hang in the x-rated
section of the Louvre. But usually those occasions are not in a public
bathroom.

So a quickie it was. But his cock and cum were no less sweet for the
haste.

After I had milked the last of his juice, we switched places. Steve's oral
skills got me off in no time, and my knees nearly buckled as I shot my load
down his throat.

We got everything back inside our jeans, got all zipped up, and then left
the bathroom just as someone was entering. We did our best to keep a
straight face, although the look we got suggested that we were not all that
successful. Too bad.

So at least I had made one sexual connection that seemed likely to keep me
from going too long without getting my rocks off. The fact that he was a
good guy as well was a bonus.

Not that it was in any way easy. With 50 other guys on the floor, you
couldn't really be overt. Having to coordinate our class schedules, our
roommates class schedules, and our sexual activities should have gotten us
at least one hour's credit. Would have stood out on a transcript, for
sure.

Once classes got started the semester really started to fly by. Late
October and early November saw midterms hit, and then we started into
cruise control before Thanksgiving break.

It was about two weeks before Thanksgiving that Steve gave me some news.

"Hey, you know they have that science thing down here next week?"

That "science thing" was a program for hyper-intelligent junior and senior
high school students to spend some time visiting campus. The part in the
movie about the HAL computer being invented in Urbana was not all that
far-fetched. The Illinois faculty collected Nobel prizes like the Southern
California backfield collected Heisman trophies, although they probably
made less money doing it.

So the more they could expose the school to the best young minds, the
better. At least that was the theory. And thus the event that was called
– for obvious reasons – "Nerd Weekend" – although any one of them would
have explained how that was incorrect because the program began on a
Thursday and technically the weekend didn't begin until a Friday until you
stuffed them in a closet to shut them up.

"Yeah, I know. You planning on getting smart or something?"

"Nah, too late for me. But my brother and one of his friends are coming
down."

"Lucky you."

He smiled. "Maybe."

I was puzzled, and he did nothing to solve it.

"I made need a favor, though."

"Such as?"

"Ed (Ed was Steve's roommate} is going back home to get an early start on
Thanksgiving. But I still need another bed."

"Luck is with you. Jim (my roomie) is heading out, too."

"So you don't mind putting up with a 13 year old for three days?"

"As long as he doesn't make too much noise with his slide rule we'll be
fine."

I didn't give it a lot of thought after that. I was taking 19 hours, an
overload, and was a James Scholar – an honors program of sorts – and so was
using what for most students was a blow off period to try to maintain some
sort of acceptable academic standing. Running a mini youth hostel was not
exactly on the front burner.

But as happens before Thursday, Wednesday rolled around. With both of our
roommates gone, having set a school record by cutting out 8 days early for
Thanksgiving, we were able to get some rather leisurely sex in after lunch.

One of the things you learned to do when engaging in sex – any kind of sex
– in the residence halls was to put the mattresses on the floor. The beds
were on rollers, and usually right against the gypsum board walls. Figure
it out.

So it was that Steve and I were laying on the floor in his room, his cock
still in my ass, when the subject of the weekend's logistics became
inevitable.

"I figure my brother will be in your room, and his friend Dan with me."

"I could give a shit less, but I would have thought the opposite."

"Hey, you'll really like Tim. And it gives him a chance to get to know
someone new."

"Like I said, I could give a shit. What time they getting in?"

"My folks were going to bring them down tonight after supper. Probably
about 8:00."

"O.K. I'll make sure all the women are gone. Or at least dressed."

Steve started laughing.

"Thanks, but you know that was really lame."

"I know, but..."

Phone. Not a reach over and pop it open cell phone, but a black sit on the
desk and the cord comes out of the wall phone. My ass bid adieu to Steve's
cock, and I got dressed and headed to my room to get my books for my 2:00
class. As I left, I could hear him engaged in conversation with someone
wanting to sell him a newspaper subscription.

The afternoon came and went. Then supper in the dining room. Baked
spaghetti. (Didn't we have regular spaghetti for lunch yesterday?) Then a
little studying in the basement library.

The library wasn't much of a library. But it was quieter than most other
places in Oglesby Hall. And you always stood the chance of meeting a girl
from neighboring Trelease.

I had dozed off with my head on my linear algebra text – it seemed to work
as well as actually trying to read it – and was awakened by Steve tapping
me on the shoulder.

"So that's your study secret."

"Don't tell anyone until I publish the research."

"I thought you were suppose to publish and then make up the research."

"That's only for federal grants."

"Ah, o.k. Hey, company's here."

We hopped on the elevator and went up to fifth floor. Tim and Dan were in
Steve's room.

They were both about 5'4". Dan was a blonde; Tim had Steve's dark hair.
Both wore glasses. They probably didn't weigh 200 pounds combined. I
noted neither pocket protectors, nor extensive acne, so they didn't qualify
as geek poster children.

"Gentlemen, welcome to Oglesby Five."

"Thank you" Dan offered. Tim remained quiet, his apparent reticence not
that far removed from his brother's normally reserved behavior.

"Tim, you wanna go put your stuff in my room?"

"Sure." He speaks.

We walked down the hall into 511. I gestured to Tim to make himself at
home on Jim's side of the room.

"Closet's not locked so if you need to hang some things up feel free."

"Thanks."

Apparently the stores were not enforcing a limit on plaid madras shirts
because it seemed like that was the only thing in Tim's suitcase. Not that
I didn't have one or two in the closet myself.

Tim emptied his suitcase and slid it in the space between the end of Jim's
bed and his desk. The rooms in the residence hall would have made an
Apollo astronaut claustrophic, so having room for one extra thing was a
bonus.

"So let's go see what Dan and your brother want to do."

"I think maybe not now," Tim answered.

"Why do you think that?"

"Cuz they're probably getting it on."

WTF Moment Number 2.

"They're what?"

"I think you heard me," he smiled. Great smile. "They like to play around
with each other."

"O.K. That would explain..."

"That would explain why Dan is staying with him, yes."

"So I guess we won't be meeting them for breakfast."

"I hope not."

"Why is that?"

"Cuz I want to be playing around with you."

WTF Moment Number 3 over and out.

I am rarely speechless, but this was too much too soon.

"Steve says you're great. I've been wanting to make it with you since he
told me I'd be staying here."


I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but I was beginning to feel caught up
in a sort of sexual hurricane. I turned out to be right.

"Well. What the hell. Why not?"

I locked the door, and then, with Tim and I each taking an end, we took the
mattresses off the bed and made a sort of queen-sized play area on the
floor.

Throwing my clothes in the general direction of my bed – or at least the
non-mattress portion – I stripped and turned to check on my soon to be new
lover."

WTF Moment Number 4 I have died and am proceeding to heaven.

Sticking out from between Tim's legs through a still expanding patch of
pubic hair was a fucking fire hose. Except this fire hose was standing
almost straight up and was over 8 inches long.

"Tim, we are going to have a great weekend."

I knelt in front of him, almost in homage to the most magnificent cock I
had ever seen. I ran my hands over it like an archeologist who has
unearthed a long-lost treasure.

"Are you going to suck it? A lot of people like to suck it."

Where to begin with something like that? I put one hand on the base, not
that the thing needed any support, and use the other to guide the tip into
my mouth. Knowing that I could in no way take all of him, down my throat
anyway, I took my time.

I very tenderly worked the head of his cock with my lips and tongue.
Around the head, an inch or two up the shaft, a little tickle on the piss
slit, then repeat. Repeatedly.

"That's nice."

I relinquished my prize long enough to say thanks, but quickly resumed my
duties.

"Can I suck you, too?"

Since a verbal answer would have required taking Tim's dick out of my
mouth, I carefully rotated my body until my cock was in his face. The
subtle hint was not lost.

Tim had some degree of skill, and a lot of eagerness. That is a tough
combination to beat under most circumstances, and this was no exception.
He was taking it quicker than I might have under the circumstances, and
that, coupled with the incredible sexiness of the moment had me near an
explosion.

"Tim, you're doing great, but you may want to take it a bit easier. I'm
almost ready now."

"I know. I want you to cum right away, so we can fuck."

I caught his drift. So we can fuck, meant so I can fuck you. Oh my God.

"You want that up my ass, do you?"

"Yeah, and you want it up your ass, too."

Well, what is life without a challenge.

"Then you better finish sucking my cock then, hadn't you?"

Tim probably did not need the extra encouragement, knowing that me getting
my rocks off was the only thing keeping him from royally screwing my ass,
but he rose to the challenge. It took less than two minutes, and I had
fired my load down his throat.

"Good work, amigo. First time I'll bet."

Tim laughed. "First time was a while ago. But I'm glad you liked."

Now the moment was at hand. There were storage drawers, the rooms being
too small for dressers, built into the beds. I reached in and found the
never-far-from-me and in this case absolutely necessary jar of Vaseline.

"You know what to do with this, right?"

"Just roll over, you'll see."

I've always like laying on my side when I take it up the ass, seems more
leisurely. There are times when I like it a little more vigorous, and will
be on all fours or leaning against or over some wall or piece of furniture,
but vigor in this case might have proved fatal for me. This one was gonna
be as easy as I could take it, considering what was going to be going up my
ass.

Tim started by wiping the lube around my asshole. Then he added more, and
inserted one, and then two fingers to loosen me up a little more. I guess
I must have let out a satisfied sounding moan because I heard him ask "you
like?"

I think I answered "mmmm" or something else that could have been
interpreted in the affirmative, because I felt what had to be a third
finger enter. The little SOB was gonna have me ripped in two without even
using his cock.

"Showtime, Tim. Let's get fucking."

I could feel what I thought was Tim applying some more Vaseline to his
dick, and then I felt the head of his cock at my asshole. Here goes.

"Slow and steady, Tim."

I felt the initial penetration, which given the working over Tim had given
me with his fingers wasn't as much of a shock as it might have been. Then
there was more, and more, and still more. Glorious.

"How are you doing, Stu?"

"I'm getting fucked by the hottest cock on the planet, how do you think I'm
doing?"

"You think I'm hot?"

"Tim, if you weren't already illegal, you'd have to be outlawed."

"You don't mind that I'm not in high school or college or anything?"

"Are you enjoying this?"

"Yeah, you know that better than anyone."

"Anybody making you do this against your will?"

"No."

"Then what's to mind. Anytime you don't want my cum down your throat, or
your cum up my ass, just say so. Otherwise enjoy."

"Speaking of my cum up your ass..."

"Yeah, back on topic. How are we doing?"

"Halfway in, little more, little less."

Halfway. Sheez.

"Let's get it all in, then you can do some pounding."

Tim grabbed my hips to get some more leverage. I could feel his dick
going, in the cliché of the day, where no man had gone before. And few
since.

"Done. Now time for you to get seriously fucked."

Tim started out with slow, gradually lengthening strokes. Even after a
number of years, and a number of cocks, I still struggle trying to describe
the feeling. It was just off the charts.

His strokes started getting longer and more violent. I had never
experienced anything like it; each thrust felt like it would tear me apart.
Needless to say, I loved it.

I laid there with my eyes closed, moving my hips back to meet his strokes.
I could hear his breathing quicken, then stop. I knew what was next.

"Don't yell" I cautioned, just in time.

Tim turned his head and grunted, growled, you name it, into the mattress.
He was quiet for several minutes.

"How're you doin' back there?" I asked.

"I'm great."

"I'm supposed to say that."

Even Tim laughed...a little.

"You liked it, huh?"

"Liked is not the word. I was in heaven. You know I'm gonna need this
again before you leave."

"I hoped you would say that. I'll bet you wouldn't mind doin' me sometime
either."

"Well, I wouldn't turn you down, that's for sure."

The phone rang. I usually don't like getting out of bed to answer phone
calls, especially if it involves leaving a naked partner unattended. But I
had a hunch who it was.

I was right.

"So, did you and Tim hit if off?"

"Let's just say you're in my will."

"Why don't you two think about getting some clothes on? We were gonna head
out to Mr. G's and get some pizza."

"Yeah, as if you're dressed. See you downstairs in five."

The four of us met in the elevator lobby at the appointed time. Everyone
had this JBF look to them that would, if anyone had been paying attention,
been a dead giveaway to the evenings activities. The lobby was, however,
empty.

We walked across Florida Avenue, traffic being light, to Steve's car, and
headed to Urbana for our pizza. I usually prefer the thick-crust Chicago
style pizza, widely available on campus, but sometimes the think crust,
square-cut variety had its appeal. And I had worked up a serious appetite.

As drank our pitcher of Pepsi and waited for our pizza, Steve and I sat
there observing the almost giddy looks Dan and Tim exchanged with each
other. While I hated to be the one to have to break into their reveries,
there was the matter of the purpose of their visit to discuss.

"Hey, far be it from me to be an adult or anything, but where do you have
to go tomorrow for this program, and when do you have to be there?"

Dan reached into his jeans pocket and retrieved a heavily folded piece of
paper.

"It says South Lounge Illini Union 9:00 a.m. They are going to take us
around to places from there."

"So you need to leave Oglesby at 8:30, latest."

"Shit" said Steve. "I've got nothing tomorrow until 11:00."

"I've got an 8:00 trig class in Altgeld..."

"Idiot" Steve interjected.

"True, but I still have to go. You guys can either walk up with me and
hang out in the Union for an hour, or go later by yourselves."

"What are the chances you two are going to get up on your own?" Steve
asked.

Tim and Dan looked at each other.

"Zero" Tim answered.

"Or at least approaching zero" Dan agreed.

"O.K. I be your native guide. You eat breakfast, Dan?"

"Usually."

"Tim?"

"No. Wake me up at maybe 10 after 8."

"Done."

The arrival of the pizza ended the logistical phase of our discussion. We
spent about 20 minutes in small talk mixed with food consumption and then
returned to Oglesby.

We said goodnight to Steve and Dan, then retired to my room.

I made no comment to Tim, but stripped and flopped on the mattresses, this
time taking a sheet, blanket, and pillow with me. He soon joined me.

"So Steve figured we'd get it on, huh?"

"Yeah. He kind of watches out for me."

"How's that?"

"Well, you know I'm kind of..."

"Yeah. Very much so."

"And he's worried that I might attract the wrong kind of person."

"I can see where that would be a problem. So am I the right kind of
person, so far anyway?"

He leaned over and kissed me.

"Steve said you liked that, too. And that's a yes, by the way."

I leaned over and brushed my lips against his.

"Good. But there is an obvious question, albeit none of my business,
really."

"I know, and the answer is no we don't. We jerk off together, and
sometimes one of us will watch the other do it with someone else, but Steve
and I have never made it. I think he's conflicted a little, me took,
maybe."

"Well, however you've worked it out, seems like you're doing pretty good."

"You liked the blow job, huh?"

"Yeah. As they say, I never had a bad one, but you are a talent."

"Thank Dan. We practice a lot."

"I will remember that. Now do you want to get it on again, or grab some
sleep? Morning will come earlier than you think."

"I was gonna say you could suck my cock for a few minutes, but then we'd be
back at it. Let's get some sleep. We've got all weekend."

Tim rolled over and faced away from me. He made no objection when I slid
over beside him and put my arm around him.

"Good night, lover." I gave the back of his neck one last kiss.

"Night."

I woke up about 7:00. I hadn't set the alarm clock, but ordinarily I am
not a late sleeper. I threw on a robe and grabbed a towel and headed off
to the bathroom to grab a shower before breakfast.

There were about 6 showers on each floor. Unlike some of the older
residence halls, there was an individual changing area for each shower. I
usually took the farthest unoccupied one. As I walked to the end of the
row, I heard someone else in one of the stalls.

"Hi, Stu."

"Morning, Dan."

I leaned over and whispered "I see Steve let you escape".

He whispered back "yeah, and you left that cock of Tim's all by itself in
your bed".

"What could I do, it was too heavy to lift?"

Dan laughed. Then he pulled his robe off and turned to face me.

"I bet this would be easier to lift."

His dick was maybe half the size of Tim's, but was fully erect.

"I can think of other things to do besides lift it" I answered.

"Like what?"

"Like stand on this bench and find out."

Dan was standing on the bench in an instant. I bent over just a little,
and started slipping his cock into my mouth. Just exquisite.

However, before I could get really into sucking his cock, one of the
bathroom doors opened. I ducked into the next shower stall, hoping that
whoever it was had just come in to take a leak. No luck. Shower time had
begun in earnest.

Dan and I finished our showers about the same time, and as we walked out
the door into the hallway he whispered to me "Tim and Steve's folks are
driving down tonight to take them out to dinner. You're gonna be stuck
looking after me."

As if I was going to pay attention in class anyway.

France and Beyond

So, that's how it started. Fourteen years old, and away from home on a school trip. It was odd, really, because I had been going out with Carol for some time - since I was twelve, I guess. She was pretty, and had deep blue eyes, pale gold hair, and a face to die for. I had thought myself really lucky to have her as my special girlfriend.

I was a bit worried about what to do when we kissed, though. I mean, I could cope with all the usual stuff, and I really enjoyed it when Carol put her tongue in my mouth for a change. And the cuddling was good, too, but I kept wondering what to do with my hands - where do you put them? There were too many places to get told off for! Kissing was as much as Carol wanted. A great snog, but not much else.

I'd tried stroking her breasts - beautiful if you like breasts - but I've always thought of myself as a "bum and thigh" kind of a guy. It didn't do much for me. Didn't seem to do much for Carol either, apart from make her cross! I tried my hand on her bum - tight, adorable, kissable bum. Well, if I ever saw it without clothes over it, I hoped it would be kissable. But she took it away. The hand, not the bum. Come to think of it she did take the bum away. Kissing was what she wanted. Now I wanted it too, but all my mates and I had been pretending that we'd had sex since we were 11, so I had a sort of image to keep up!

That's when we went on the school trip

It wasn't easy to get the money to go. We weren't poor, exactly, it's just that my Dad's money was kind of spoken for. When he heard how many of my friends were going, he and Mum managed it somehow. I guess he was pleased that I got along with Carol so well, and that she was going along. He decided when she came round after school to do some work together and told him that she was looking forward to the trip

We caught the train from Victoria Station did I tell you I live in London to Folkestone, and catch the ferry to Calais. This was not long before the Channel Tunnel. Then took the train to somewhere in the South of France, and stayed in a sort of school place. Lots of kids stayed there. I shared with Carol as much of the trip as girls and boys were allowed to share. No kissing, no cuddling. The teachers were pretty strict about that.

Usual stuff. I suppose all kids abroad for the first time do it. We made fun of the French place names, shouted at French kids, bought cigarettes we never intended to smoke from the machines on the station platforms when we changed trains. They were horrible - I was nearly sick. I decided I was never ever going to smoke. We made a real nuisance of ourselves. I'll bet the teachers were glad to see the back of us at the end of it.

It was a long trip. I shared the sleeping compartment - rock hard bunks - with five other boys from my year, and got no sleep at all. We just talked, laughed, and larked about, and, of course, discussed sex. We each had to do a "truth or dare", and I found myself avoiding the dare, which was to - well never mind what it was to do, it was dead embarrassing - by saying that I never knew what to do with my hands when kissing a girl. I got away with it - phew! We had some pretty gross dares. I could have strangled the kid who suggested it. Apart from the dares, it was all pretty simple stuff. No-one really wanted to do the dares or force anyone else to, and we all thought no more about it. Or so I thought at the time.

The school we stayed at had shared rooms, two boys or two girls to a room. I was sharing with Nigel, a kid in my year, one of those "Sports Gods" who gets picked for every team going. Good looking kid, and really fit. Not part of my group, and not really any more than someone I just knew.

We unpacked - well threw our stuff into cupboards - and set out to find food, then a ball to kick about. it was about seven at night when we had our supper, and then we were packed off early for bed. A long trip, and an early night. heck, it had taken us about 20 hours to get here, we were tired.

As the lights went out, Nigel and I kept talking.

"What's this I hear about your problem with your hands?"

"What problem - my hands are all right?"

"Well, the guys you travelled down with thought you didn't know what to do with them when you were kissing Carol", he said.

"Yes, well, mmm" I mumbled, though why I was embarrassed just then I hadn't the slightest idea. I suppose it was just because there were just two of us.

"Hey, Chris," that's my name, Chris, "no big deal. I, er, was a bit shy about what I was going to ask you" said Nigel, smiling by the sound of him, "If you don't want to talk, that's fine by me"

"No, go on, it was just rather a surprise, that's all. It was a truth or dare thing."

"Well," said Nigel "I know you've been going out with Carol for some time, and that you guys are an item and all that. Loads of people are dead envious. I'm sort of envious. You probably don't know, but I've never kissed a girl. And Carol's friends say you are a fantastic kisser."

"Mmphh" Oh embarrassing in the extreme, but rather good to know, I thought. Jeez, what's coming next?

"Well... " Nigel hesitated, "well.... I was ... I was... kind of hoping you would give me a few pointers on kissing?"

This was really weird, but I felt myself becoming all brotherly, and I haven't got a brother, nor a sister, so I'd no idea what was going on. This god of the sports field, who was actually good looking enough to have a whole army of girls all to himself if he only realised it, had come to me, me, to ask how to kiss. I guess I would have gone to him to ask about soccer, so fair deal.

"Well, erm, OK, Nigel, but what do you mean?"

"This is sort of embarrassing, but I've no idea how to start, even," he said softly. "I mean, it all looks so, so wet!!

Now I don't know whether I had the idea, whether Nigel had the idea, or what. I still can't tell, even today, if it was the best idea or the worst idea in the world. Whatever it was, however it happened, I found myself asking, as a brother, you understand, "Have you noticed that girls practice kissing before a date?"

"Do you mean practice kissing with you?" he asked.

OK, brave now. I could do something that the god couldn't. "Sure, why not. I mean it won't mean anything will it? And there's only us to know. There is only us, isn't there?" I was suddenly not quite so brave.

"I'm not sure" he said, softly. "I guess it would be OK."

So that's where we found ourselves. Sharing a room, and talking about kissing as a sort of clinical exercise. And did we do it? Sure we did. Right then and there. Both of us, well certainly me, feeling a little foolish. Nigel and I got out of our beds, and came into a clumsy clinch.

We banged noses. "I can see why you need lessons!" I laughed "Tilt your head to your right. Now, gently put your lips on mine. Keep them dry mind, and I'll take you a step at a time."

This was kind of fun. Nigel was strong, and felt good to the touch. A firm body, strong back, my height, well perhaps a little less, and, even after the trip, smelled of soap and shampoo. His lips were yielding, but strong, as though he knew what he was doing.

We broke apart. "Helps if you can breathe through your ears, he giggled. Can we try the tongues bit next?"

He seemed almost too eager. Liplock, and I found his tongue in my mouth before I could tell him what to do. And, do you know, it felt good. Better than Carol. What am I saying, how could it be better than Carol, she was my girlfriend, and we snogged every time we could? Better than Carol. There was something electric about this body in my arms. Better than Carol, better to hold, better to kiss, better to - my hands were going down to his bum. Better than Carol.

I broke apart. "Nigel, I need a break" I had to come to my senses.

"I know. I kind of feel that way too", he said, out of breath. "It felt really good when you ran your hands all over my body - I thought you didn't know what to do with them?"

"I.. I'm not sure you really need lessons. You seem to know what to do by instinct. I'm tired, I think. I need some sleep." Truth was I was actually very aroused, and I didn't want Nigel to know. Well, obviously he could have felt it, the pyjamas were pretty thin, and we were holding each other, but then I hadn't noticed whether he was too. In fact I hadn't even thought about it.

Have you ever tried to wank silently when you have a room mate? Just holding the covers high enough not to rustle, keeping the movements delicate to stop the bed from creaking, trying to keep control of your breathing? Stroking your cock so delicately? Moving your foreskin down and back, just gently, just gently, and hoping he wouldn't notice? Catching yourself starting to tense, and straining to stop speeding up, to keep breathing normally, keeping control of the sounds you make when you cum? Have you?

I had. I did. But it was all wrong. I tried as hard as I could to picture Carol, as I usually did, but Nigel kept coming into my head. Just the feel of him. I think his image was with me in my head when I came that night.

The next morning, nothing was said. Just another day. Nigel and I went to breakfast, and sat together - nothing remarkable in that, most room mates sat together - at breakfast. We had some sort of outing to go on that day. Why is it that school trips are nothing but travel, and then to really boring places?

I sat with Carol on the bus, as usual. Nothing had changed in my feelings for her. I still wanted to kiss her, but I wanted something more, too. We found a place for a snogging session around lunchtime.

"You seem different," she said when we came up for air, "not sure what, but there's a sort of urgency in your kissing. I haven't felt it before."

"Is it better?"

"Mmm," she purred dreamily, "more interesting, more, oh, I don't know, more tense, somehow. French air must be romantic after all! I never believed it would be, I though that was all rubbish!"

I felt different. I don't know what it was, but I felt different. Not so much of a kid anymore, but not grown up yet, either. I began to feel that I actually knew what I wanted, except I didn't know, and I knew I didn't know, and I wished I did know, and came over all weak from the effort of thinking about it and it was all too complicated anyway.

There was one thing I did know, though. I thought I knew. I knew that I wanted to try another kissing lesson with Nigel. I mean, I wasn't attracted to him or anything, but he made me feel really good, and I liked that feeling. I wondered if he would want it, too.

Oh the afternoon dragged. I fell asleep on the coach. Why we couldn't go to the beach I didn't know. Sun on our backs, salt water on our bodies, and sand between the toes, that was what we all wanted to do. Visit another damn ruin was what the history teacher wanted to do. Bugger ruins.

I wasn't so tired at lights out, though. "Nigel?"

"Mmm?"

"Do you want to...?"

"Do what we did last night?"

"Yes"

"I'm not sure. Do you?" This could get ridiculous. How to break the after you, no after you cycle without seeming stupid, or even gay?

"Well, have you learnt enough?" That should do it, I thought.

"Is there more?" he asked, very softly.

"Practice makes perfect" Ouch, what a stupid phrase.

"The thing is," he said, after I had extracted his tongue from my mouth ten minutes later, all the while wondering how it had got there so quickly, "the thing is, I may have something to teach you."

If you have never been in this situation, you'll never know what was going through my mind. On the one hand we were engaged in legitimate research into the arts of kissing, so it was scientific. On the other, I was in thin cotton pyjamas, so erect and excited I thought I was touching the ceiling with the tip of my cock, and I could sense that Nigel was the same. This was forbidden.

Forbidden, but exciting, and private, and suddenly I didn't care what happened to me, what I did, even where I was.

Hold back. Seem unsure. Heck I was unsure. "What do you mean?"

"Well, we all talk about sex, right?"

"Yep"

"I talk as much as anyone, but I've never been with a girl - well you know that anyway"

"Uh huh?"

"I'll bet you haven't either?"

Now this was a real low blow, right into my mini-masculine pride. I'd been telling people about my exploits for years. Not that there had been any, but I'd been saying that there had been. "The truth? No" I almost whispered.

"I'd like to return the favour for the kissing. It would be a kind of favour to me as well."

"What do you mean?"

"Do you trust me?"

A little trembly now "Not sure"

As we were speaking, Nigel was getting closer to me. Well he couldn't get much closer, but he seem to be closer. I noticed things in the darkness about him, the shape of his eyes, the spun silver of his hair - or was I imagining it? The sweetness of his breath, even after toothpaste! His hands moved very gently over my body, starting at the nape of my neck, and moving in circles so light as almost to tickle, but without tickling lower down my spine, just stroking. I was hypnotised. I told you that he was a sports god. This boy was doing something for me, and I was enjoying it. "If I can say 'stop' and you promise to stop, I trust you." I heard myself breathing the words.

"I promise." And he kissed me again, and it was electric, and I saw lightning, and all the stars came on and went out in a flash.

I don't know when the pyjamas disappeared, either his or mine. I just remember feeling skin against my skin, and it was for the first time in my life, and it felt good. I felt his hands, warm, soft, yet strong, stroking my whole body, all over except not anywhere near where our two cocks were almost tied together. Oh, I knew Nigel was excited now..

"I'm going to teach you about sex." I never actually heard him say that, I just felt it, as a breath in my ear. My heart was pounding, and I could hardly breathe. "I'm going to be so gentle, so gentle, soo gentle . ." his voice faded away, and he was kissing my neck, and I was stroking him, and holding him so tight, yet so loosely at the same time.

We kind of reversed onto his bed, him first, me clumsily on top of him, and rolled to be side by side. His hands, those wonderful hands, never left me for a moment, and he still was just stroking my body, smooth body, almost hairless, apart from those strange little wisps I wanted him to touch at the base of my cock. "Lie still," he whispered.

Lying on my back, I could see him outlined against the moonlit window, sitting beside me, looking down at me, see his arms, watch his hands moving down my chest, down my sides, down my legs. I could see his shoulders, the curve of his head, the join of his neck with his shoulders, and he was beautiful. And he was here with me, and stroking me. "You're beautiful," I heard him say. "You're beautiful."

And then he kissed my cock. And gently, so gently took it into his mouth, and with his hands gently slid the skin down the shaft to expose the cockhead, and cupped my balls in the other, and ran his tongue all over it. And I couldn't believe it. And then he started to move up and down on it, slowly up and down, licking, nibbling, but never with teeth, and massaging behind my ball sack, between my legs with one hand or the other, but never hard enough to make me cum. "Nigel ...." I gasped.

"Shh."

He was kneeling straddling me, facing me. I could see his cock, straining towards me, drips forming at the tip. I wanted to kiss it. "No, this is my treat," he said. He took the drips, and placed them on the tip of my cock, there between his legs, by his own, for he was sitting, kneeling on my thighs. "You're going to fuck me."

"But"

"Shh"

And my cock was in his hand, and he was moving upright, and placing it, oh so carefully between his legs. "But ..."

"Shh" So softly, and I looked at his, and his eyes looked at me as he shushed me, and I saw into his soul.

As he began to put his weight on me, on my cock, my hard, wild cock, I saw his expression change, and a moment, just that, of pain flashed across his face and I felt a tremendous urge to thrust forward. He was hot, sweating, and so beautiful, there above me, looking down, with the tip of my cock only just inside him. And it felt good.

He was there for ever, then imperceptibly lower and lower. The skin on my cock seemed to stretch, and I was inside - inside that hot, secret, velvet place, and gripped so tightly that no hand could ever feel like that. And he moved up, then down. And I was sliding deeper in, then out, and so excited. I was almost cumming just with the thought of it. I reached for his cock. "Not this time. This is my gift to you," he murmured. "I love you, Chris. I've loved you since we met, and I want to be with you for ever. This is my gift to you."

And he moved faster and faster, until I thought I would burst. Tidal waves came crashing through me, my back arched so strongly it lifted both of us, and I came, hot, for ever, hot, deep inside the boy who loved me, who wanted me for ever. I've never felt like that before. Almost vicious with the pumping, hot, hard, and so deep inside him. And I knew.

Oh I knew. "Nigel?"

"Mmm?"

"Hold me." I was in tears, not sobbing, but weeping, not afraid, and in love with Nigel - my seducer, my lover.

And somehow, we were in each other's arms, and both weeping gently, and neither of knowing exactly why we were in tears.

And that's how we woke.

"Quick - make my bed untidy!" That was my first thought, because we'd spent the night on Nigel's.

We just made it, or was it unmade it, when the wake up crew came in to get us up for breakfast. I looked at Nigel, almost as though it was for the first time. How can I describe him: The brightest pools of blue eyes, smiling, cheeky, under his hair, spun silver shot with gold. Happy, smiling mouth, pink cheeks, and a sort of radiance around him that I thought everyone could see.

"Did you really tell me you loved me?"

"I really love you."

"Nigel, I've never been loved before. I don't think I've ever loved anyone before either. I feel really strange, but I don't want it to stop. I think I love you, too." Scary, but I'd said it, and I found my body meaning it.

Oh no. Carol. What was I to do about Carol? "Nigel?"

"Mmm?" dreamily.

"Nigel, what am I going to do about Carol?"

"Yes, I'd wondered about that. Don't do anything yet."

"But she's going to want to snog with me,and and and "

"Shh"

"But"

"Shh.